"We do not have feelings which change us, but feelings that suggest to us the idea of change. Thus love does not purge us of selfishness, but makes us aware of it and gives us the idea of a distant country where this selfishness will disappear." - A...
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"I know you've missed me, but there's no need to jump on me!" exclaimed Nevin, theatrically entering the room.
I shouldn't have come here with Luke after the gym, but I really had no idea that Nevin would make an appearance today. From what I had heard, the plan was for him to return tomorrow, so either he managed to change his flight ticket or even Lance wasn't too sure.
"Oh, Zayden, it's been a while since we last saw each other."
I greet him, but the entire interaction feels a bit stiff and awkward, as if some walls have been erected between us over the course of the vacation. We had plenty of arguments last year, but there has never been such a palpable tension in the air between us. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one to blame because the look he fixes me with conveys frustration, with a subtle hint of animosity, and his hostility only makes me reciprocate the feeling.
"Have you changed your mind about the bonfire?" Lance asks, full of hope.
I've managed to avoid this topic in the past few days, but considering the event is tonight, I'm obligated to provide a final answer. I haven't found any advantages in participating in the bonfire, but my refusal would only increase the chances of people bothering me with their conviction that I've changed or been through something, which wouldn't be far from the truth, but it's not something I'm willing to share at the moment.
"You said it depends on how you feel on Sunday. Well, today is Sunday, so you should know whether you're coming or not," Lance adds.
I would have preferred if he had let me respond, because now Nevin is looking at me with confusion, and something tells me he knows more than I thought. I hope I'm wrong, but I haven't been wrong about him very often. Unlike his other friends, I wasn't surprised when I found out he could be unfaithful.
"I'll come, but I can't promise I'll stay until the end," I reply.
I shift my weight from one foot to the other, feeling out of place in this room. It was the right choice not to share the room with them, even though I couldn't have foreseen the future at that moment. It seems like at least my instinct worked in my favor. If Luke hadn't borrowed my towel, I would have left already, but here I am, waiting for him to rummage through the bottom of his gym bag.
"What have you been up to all summer?" Nevin starts a conversation.
Even with my peripheral vision, I can see how he scrutinizes me closely, hands crossed over his chest and nervously tapping his right foot. His attempt to appear intimidating is ridiculous, but I have to admit it's commendable that he's making an effort to subtly needle me. Perhaps I'm just imagining it, and Nevin has no clue, but I've never seen him in such a defensive posture, and there's only one person he would defend in such a way.
"Nothing interesting," I respond vaguely.
I don't care if I provoke him or not. I have nothing to lose.
