I'm just me

Chapter 1 - Forgetting about problems

"No, just Lance and Luke."

I nod briefly in understanding and let Hale settle into the new room. I've changed roommates over the years and stayed on every possible floor, but I won't deny that the first time was challenging. Even more so when transitioning from four roommates to just one and going from almost zero privacy, cleanliness, and quiet to having your own entire space with minimal chances of intrusion. We both value personal space, and I have no doubt that any request one of us might have, the other would respect.

In a way, I'll miss our dynamics, consisting of Hale's constant grumbling about everything, Lance's bad jokes at any time of day, the arguments that used to arise because Luke bought more books than he read and covered our floor with them, and last but not least, the way Nevin showed off. At the same time, for various reasons, I couldn't stand to be around some of them, especially in the same room as last year because there are few rooms for five people, and most likely, we would have kept the same one.

I reach the three-person room, which is one floor above mine, and knock on the door. I wait for half a minute; Luke is probably reading and decided to finish the paragraph instead of hurrying to open the door, something I don't blame him for. I step onto the floor already strewn with scattered clothes, the quantity of which increases as it approaches Lance, who sits on the floor next to the wardrobe, hands on his head. He has never been very good at folding clothes, and without me to give him a demonstration for the hundredth time, he struggles and fails.

"Zayden, my bro!" he exclaims, standing up to greet me. "I don't know why you didn't want us to be roommates anymore," he adds after breaking free from the hug.

The last time I saw him was about a month ago, at the beginning of August, during which he kept begging me to meet up. He even wanted to drive to my house, but I refused because I spent enough time with him in July. Lance in large quantities is harmful, and I've known him for three years now.

"It's better this way than constantly yelling at you to keep quiet so I can study," I shrug.

Lance rolls his eyes, a sign that he either doesn't believe me or finds my desire to prepare early for end-of-year exams and college entrance exams childish. It's true; there's not necessarily a need to start studying or doing exam examples earlier than January, but it's a good excuse that I'll cling to whenever necessary. I doubt I'll be a very pleasant company for them anyway, and their constant fun and cheerfulness would only annoy me more.

"And does Hale keep quiet?" Lance asks, ironically.

"Hale is just one person," I reply.

I feel a trace of guilt creeping into my soul because I chose Hale over Lance, even though Lance has been with me throughout high school. We were roommates for three years, and now I've left him for someone else, even if it's a mutual friend. Lance is a positive person and wouldn't express such feelings openly, but I know he feels betrayed.

"Is the gym offer still valid?" Luke slips into our conversation.

"Yes. We can start whenever you want," I reply with a shrug.

Lance's eyes shift from me to Luke as if we each grew an extra head. Despite being friends for over a year, Luke and I haven't interacted as much as anyone would expect from roommates. I've been closest to Lance and Hale, but I intend to mend the lack of a strong friendship between me and the person who joined at the end of last school year for romantic advice despite my public experience in that area. That was the moment I realized I should have paid more attention to him.

"We can go now; I've already prepared my gym bag," Luke suggests.

"I'll change, and then we can head out," I say after tearing my eyes away from Lance's endless blinking.

Hale is no longer in the room when I return, and his bag remains untouched but open. The muscles in my face struggle to form a smile upon seeing the guitar I gifted him for his birthday, but they fail miserably. I grab my gym clothes from the much roomier wardrobe and put on a T-shirt that is not meant for sleepwear. It didn't occur to me that I left the room earlier dressed as if I were about to go sleep in the next second.

I meet Luke in the hallway, at the entrance of the building, and we both set off in a comfortable silence. In the past few weeks, I haven't had a gym partner, even though Hale insisted a few times. I turned him down because he's much more dedicated than I can afford with my time and body. He has been training almost daily for over a year, two hours a day, while I'm still relatively new to it. Also, considering I attend classes, unlike him, I prefer to hit the weights for just over an hour.

"Why did you start going to the gym?" comes the absurd question I thought I had escaped.

"Why do I need a reason?" I respond.

It's always everyone's first concern when they find out you're working out, and I'm already losing patience answering it. Going to the gym is a way to live a healthier life and discipline yourself – the latter being my goal, which has worked quite well so far. But no one believes me, even though the reasoning behind it stems from something entirely different, which they don't need to know.

"I want to look better for my girlfriend," he admits, simultaneously shifting the focus onto himself, sensing my hostility.

I roll my eyes not so subtly, actually hoping he notices.

"So, you mean she told you to lose weight," I deduce.

Luke is by no means what one would consider overweight at his height, but his belly is certainly not lean, and I imagine that one of them is bothered by this aspect.

"No, I want to," he insists.

I don't press him further and choose to believe him, although it wouldn't surprise me if she is actually behind his desire to build muscle. Most often, it happens the way I suspect it does, but it's not really my business to intervene. We're just workout partners and perhaps friends, but I can't dictate how he manages his interpersonal relationships.

While waiting for Luke to sign up, I check my messages, but there's nothing noteworthy except that Harlyn and Raine will also be arriving at the boarding school tomorrow. Today seems to have been my last peaceful day. And from what I gather, the trio will still share a room, so our group from last year will somewhat reunite, although now that Hale and I live separately, we might drift apart. I imagine the girls will often be in Nevin's circle, even though things have been a bit tense between him and Harlyn.

I agree with Luke on how to organize our days, making sure we work each necessary muscle group while also having a rest day, which we'll adjust based on each person's availability. I've borrowed a few ideas from Hale because his plan has been working for him for months, but we had to tailor them to my and Luke's strengths. Lifting weights and sticking to a gym routine are the easy part for me; what will be challenging is eating regularly and five times a day – three main meals and two snacks. So far, without a workout partner, I haven't paid much attention to this crucial aspect, and I've continued to ignore my flawed relationship with food. Now, though, I have no other choice but to try to fix it.

I tie up my hair and kick off what is about to be an hour of sweating and forgetting about real-life problems.