Invisible String || PURINZ

18 • the lie

"I'm sorry, I was selfish, I don't know–", Yunjin stammered, placing her hand on Chaewon's lap. "I just don't know what to do without you, Chae. I love you."

Chaewon looked at her. She stared into the depths of her girlfriend's dark eyes, where there was nothing but love. She felt the hand she'd held a million times, and leaned against the body she'd memorised all too well.

Yunjin wrapped her arms tightly around her, accepting her into her embrace. She whispered sweet nothings, none of which truly stuck in Chaewon's mind. But something about the way she was held calmed her heart.

She was still breathing hard, but after five minutes the pain was gone.

She stared down at Yunjin's lap, still holding onto her. She didn't realise it, but her eyes had formed tears that fell directly onto her girlfriend's light jeans, painting them a darker blue.

She'd stop the earth for Huh Yunjin.

But the earth would never stop for her.

So maybe it would be easier to let go.

"You know, the only times I've seen you cry was when we watched that movie about the dog, when I started crying, and when you were drunk. I never realised how strong you've been all these years," Yunjin whispered.

"You're always taking care of us, even when we don't notice it. I always thought you were just some goddess who did all that so effortlessly, but it... it was never without effort, was it?"

Chaewon slowly shook her head. She had sold bits and pieces of herself to keep everyone standing until there was nothing left. In the end, she was the one who needed looking out for.

Ironic, isn't it?

The door rattled behind them. She could faintly hear Sakura's voice in the hallway, telling Kazuha to stop messing around with the key. The door then swung open, and light footsteps rushed to the couch.

"Are you okay? I know you wanted some time to yourself, but it's been two hours and I've been so– oh, Chae, are you crying?" Sakura frowned as Chaewon looked up at her.

The tears in her eyes came pouring out. Yunjin pulled back, still rubbing her back as Sakura dipped down to hug their leader. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry we didn't notice sooner," She whispered.

Kazuha and Eunchae gathered around her, and they all squished themselves onto the couch in odd positions to hug the girl.

Chaewon didn't know what she did to deserve these people.

They stayed like that for a while, until Eunchae and Kazuha had to pull back because their backs felt broken.

In the end, these girls would always be her family.

Chaewon rubbed her sore eyes, sniffling quietly as she stared down at her feet. "Thank you," She said.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Sakura carefully asked.

Exhaling a chuckle, the other shook her head. "I'm okay for now, I've done enough talking." She smiled at the girl.

Eunchae stood up. "I love you, and you're– you're amazing. And I can't imagine life without you, so just talk to us next time. No more secrets." She said, pointing her finger at their leader.

"You've always taken care of us. God, I remember when I had that stupid breakdown over having bought the wrong chips and you went out and got me the right ones instead of laughing at me," Kazuha's cheeks flushed as she thought back on that moment.

"What I mean to say is that we can take care of you too. It was hard for all of us when we grew big, but you always softened the fall. I can't imagine what it's been like." She added, patting Chaewon's head with care not to go near her bangs.

The shorter girl wanted to keep her smile. But in the back of her head, all she could hear was Yunjin's words.

'Are you giving up on us?'

Her members looked so hopeful.

But she knew this wasn't going to change until she made some serious changes in her life. She couldn't get better if she kept going on like this: the constant stress, fear, and neglect.

Her eyes landed on Yunjin. She had a smile on her face, but Chaewon could see right past it. She noticed the shimmer in her eyes, and all the stories they told.

And yet she still smiled.

She placed her hand on her girlfriend's cheek, forcing a smile as well. "I never said it back, did I? I love you. I'll never not love you," She softly said, blushing at the awareness of their members being around them.

Yunjin's eyes darted over the details of her face. "I'll never not love you too," She chuckled quietly.

The girl leaned forward, catching Chaewon's lips in a kiss that told more than their words could. It was until Kazuha cleared her throat that the girls realised they'd forgotten about the existence of their other members. So, with a bashful chuckle, they parted again.

"I think it's time for bed," Chaewon sighed. Her head was still throbbing, and today's events were exhausting, to say the least.

Just a few more shows until their small tour was over.

She could survive a few shows.

Once she was in her bed, her mind didn't allow her much rest. Yunjin held her tightly whilst her head rested on Chaewon's chest. Eunchae laid next to them, exhaling peaceful puffs of air. She had already drifted off into her dreams.

Sakura and Kazuha were in the other bed next to theirs.

Chaewon wondered what they were all thinking.

And she wondered what life would be like without them.

It made her chest hurt.