Keeping Him (Learning To Love Him book 2) (Boyxboy)

Chapter 21.

"I'll call both of them, Corey." Kaden said pulling his phone out as he walked out of his office.

Sean looked around, obviously linking to everyone and blocking me out in the process because I could not access what was being said between them. He also seemed to link to Kaden who then linked to his Deltas because everyone walked out leaving Sean and I alone despite nothing having been said out loud about anyone being dismissed.

"What the hell did you tell them? Why did you block me out of it?" I asked him as he shut the door behind the last person to leave.

"To keep you from interrupting. You've got to get it together, Corey. I'm not sure if you realise this, but the entire pack was attacked. Some of our houses destroyed. Those people we killed in Sweden, their packs aren't just going to sit back and accept what we've done, they barely have anything to lose now. We have to find who attacked us. I know Jayden's gone, but you've got more than one person to take care of. You've got eight hundred. Everyone's shaken, I need you and me to be the two people in this pack that look like we know what's going on, to look like we know what we're doing, or everyone is going to freak out and everything is going to break apart." I clenched my jaw listening to him carefully speak, "You have to be Beta right now. Everyone's looking to us. I know you're worried about Jay, and we'll find him I promise, but you're not going to find him if you're like this, Corey. Pull yourself together before you become a bigger mess because we can't have that right now. I mean, you're even making our Deltas worried about this situation, pull it together. Now, Beta." He said. I wanted to tell him to go to hell, wanted to storm out and continue looking for Jayden with or without the organised help from our and the other packs but I controlled my urges and gave a nod. He was right.

"Right." I took a deep breath. "I hear you." I said.

"Great. Is Eli up to training?" He asked, "If he is, we'll have to get someone else to do it because we've got way too much work right now."

"He probably isn't. Just let him have today off." I said.

I did not exactly know how Eli was doing because the truth was that I hadn't seen him and Tamia since I woke up, about sixteen hours ago, and even then it had been 4 AM and they had been asleep. I was losing my mind slowly and I knew I wouldn't be able to act like I was fine in front of them, I did not want to scare them further. It was easier to just keep busy and speak to no one except the Deltas around me. I was going to be professional and I was going to keep it together for our pack, but if I saw my children again, I knew there was no way I wouldn't break and that would do more harm than good for them at the moment.

"Alright, I'm getting some dinner –" Sean was saying.

"Just give the twins some too and have Izzy put them to bed, I have to call and find out if they've found anything on our grounds." I said.

"Corey –" he began but I had already walked out of the office.

I sprinted through the pack house avoiding the one room my kids had yet to step out of and not stopping for anyone in the hall. When I was outside and far enough from the house, I slowed down to let out a deep breath and leaned against a tree.

My breathing became erratic and I tried to calm it down, calm myself down as I ran my hands through my hair but there was a suffocating feeling in my chest that caused tears to sting at my eyes.

Was this me losing him? Was this how it felt to have my mate murdered?

No, he was fine. I was overreacting, I would feel it if he was gone. I was going to find him. Just because I couldn't feel his pull didn't mean they had done it. He wouldn't give up that easily. I had to find him before he broke... before I lost him... before they killed him.

"Corey?" I let out a growl to myself. I couldn't deal with her right now.

"Please, go away." I felt drained and wasn't going to yell at her. I could not at the moment.

"Hey... I'm just checking if you're alright." She Said.

I clenched my jaw. Why couldn't she take a hint? "Carrie, listen to me." I muttered adding some venom to my voice, "Leave."

"Corey, I'm not here to fight."

"Well than what the fuck are you here for?" I snapped turning to her.

"To say sorry!" She yelled back.

I clenched my jaw as she stared at me. Was she expecting an 'I forgive you, marry me?' from me or...?

"I'm sorry, Corey. I'm sorry I lied to Jay and I'm so sorry he's gone. I-I don't know... I just want to help you find him." I snorted a response at her as I turned my back to her.

"You want to help? Leave." I said.

I almost growled feeling her hand take mine as she walked in front of me to look up at me again.

"Corey..."

"Leave, Carrie." My voice cracked and I wanted to hurt myself. How could a Beta look and sound so weak? I shook my head. "Please, just go." I could not deal with her.

"I'm sorry, Corey. If I had known... I'm so sorry..." I didn't move as her arms circled my neck.

Though it was from her, and I hated her, the hug was slightly comforting. It felt like I wasn't alone. It was a tiny bit of relief and the only thing that kept me from breaking down in front of her. I shut my eyes for a second making no move to return her hug. I needed to find him... I was going to go crazy without him... I needed him to be safe.

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