Tell Me How It Feels

Chapter Thirty-Three

A/N: Penultimate chapter. A one full of dullness and a really whiny monologue, mostly because I've ran out of ideas for this particular installment.

Caysie. x

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Chapter Thirty-Three

Finlay had pretended to be asleep when Timothy left. He had heard him shift around on the couch quietly, most likely trying to carefully move so that Joel didn't fall unsupported. On the floor, one of Finlay's ears was covered by the jacket he was sleeping on, but one ear was enough to hear everything.

When Timothy had started walking around, someone had groaned and whispered, "where are you going?"

At first, Finlay had recognised the voice, but when he heard the person repeat their question he realised it was Jay.

"To see Emily," Timothy had replied shortly after being asked twice, it made Finlay wonder about whether his friend had thought a lot about his situation already this morning.

Jay hesitated before asking, quietly and sheepishly, "do you want me to come?"

Finlay didn't hear a response, but given that a ruffle of clothes could be heard from over in Jay's general direction, he assumed he'd either said yes, or that Jay was going to go anyway.

Then, within only five minutes of getting themselves sorted and not sharing even one word between them, Timothy and Jay both left without willingly alerting anyone. Finlay remained still for a few more minutes thinking that, if he was in Timothy's situation, he wouldn't really want his friend tagging along with him. But he wasn't in Timothy's situation.

He propped himself up, feeling a little bit of pressure on his previously sore shoulder, which had started hurting a little since Ryan's incident at the pub. 

Everyone else seemed to still be asleep, he counted each one and was a little bit confused when the number was one higher than expected, but then he remembered Maria.

It hadn't even looked like anyone had moved in the night, with the exception of Joel. Pigeon was still hanging off the chair, with his hand nearly in Derek's mouth, and Adelia was still lying face-up with her marker moustache.

And there was him beside Finlay, facing where his face had been only minutes ago. Ryan, who had been his best friend for years now. Ryan, who he had kissed out of sheer urge and build-up this morning. And Ryan, who had kissed him back.

And that's when Finlay was thankful he wasn't in Timothy's situation, because he was already in his own.

What had happened this morning wasn't a mistake in Finlay's eyes. If anything, it had been the push and relief needed. However, he knew now that things had turned drastically, because friends don't just kiss like that, no matter how close they are. And even though him and Ryan had technically been together for six days now, they hadn't actually been close.

That's when he dropped his head in his hands, fed up with thinking to himself already. What him and Ryan had was a label, a one expected and anticipated by their friends, Joel and Timothy. But that name on their relationship wasn't strictly true. They weren't together, not yet anyway.

Finlay had always loved Ryan the whole way through their friendship, and he still did feel that way, but he just didn't feel right currently. Him and Ryan, they were a 'thing' now, and he wast quite sure if he wanted to be part of a 'thing'.

However, his doubt was conflicted with the absolute sureness that the kiss he, himself, had began was brought on by his own mind and will completely.