Within and Without

Twenty-Two

*******Hermione********

When he asked her what was wrong she knew that it wasn't possible for her to hide the pregnancy a moment longer. Besides, that charm was strong and it drained her to keep it up for such long periods of time. She only hoped that he could receive this well and that their progress together would still continue. She shook her head as she answered him, "Not here Severus. I'll tell you when we're at home. And don't worry, it's happy news I think. That blanket just reminded me of it and I got a little emotional."

Severus nodded, although his gaze lingered on her for a moment as if he wanted to press the issue. Instead he guided her to the checkout counter where Mrs. Juniper was ready and waiting. Severus paid for the blanket and ushered her out of the shop quickly. "Alright Hermione, tell me what it was that made you so emotional," he demanded. "I mean, it's just a blanket."

Hermione offered him a watery smile. "I know, but it's what the blanket is for. Wait," she tugged on his hand, leading him into a nearby alley. It was shadowy and more importantly vacant. "There's something I need to show you and please, give me time to explain okay?" He nodded in a hurried manner, obviously eager to get to the bottom of things. Hermione's heart rammed in her chest as her shaky hands pulled out her wand and pointed to her stomach. She muttered the counter charm and watched as her stomach ballooned to the right size. "As you can see, I'm pregnant."

Silence.

Severus seemed to be in a trance of sorts, his dark eyes glued to her stomach. Hermione fidgeted in her spot. "So uh, that's why I got emotional after seeing the blanket. I was just thinking of our baby, Severus. And I was thinking about how much I wish you knew about it. And now you I do," Hermione finished with a sniff. Her eyes got moist as she awaited his response. "Severus? Please, say something."

******Severus*******

She was pregnant.

And he had no doubts that the child was his. Hermione wouldn't lie about something like this. Plus, it wasn't like he was some sort of sought after bachelor. There'd be no reason for her to lie about paternity. And she had the belly to back it up. Still, he was in a state of shock. There were so many things racing through his mind. It seemed like every time he got a grip on things, something else came along to trip him up.

"I uh, I'm sorry love, but I'm a bit awed by this," Severus replied, pinching his nose to prevent an oncoming headache. "You.....and I are...having a baby? And you tell me this now?! How far along are you? Why have you been hiding this Hermione?!" She cowed away in fear at his yelling and instantly he regretted his reaction. "Forgive me, but it's....well it's a lot to digest. I was just getting used to us being engaged..."

"I know that, and that's why I kept this from you. Besides, I haven't exactly adjusted completely myself. I can only imagine how this must be for you," Hermione added, placing a hand over her stomach. "I was doing what I thought best, but I'm sorry. You deserved to know right away. I'm sorry..."

His knees felt weak, and honestly he couldn't formulate a complete, coherent thought. Everything was jumbled. His mind. His body. His heart. There was a gap in time. A gap in his knowledge. And yet, he knew everything he needed to know on a spiritual, or instinctive level. There was a voice in his head, one ruled by fear that told him to leave her. Push her and the child away. This was too much. Too good to be true and too difficult to handle. "I don't know if I can do this," he finally let out.

That drew a gasp from her lips. Hermione's amber eyes met him with an astonished and very pained expression. She took a stuttered few steps back from him, her hands clutching her belly. "W-wh-what do you mean? Please... please don't be doing what I think you're doing...."

"Hermione---"

"No. Don't. Just don't. It wasn't fair for me to expect so much from you. It's clear to me now that you're not the same man and I need to get used to that."

"Hermione let me---"

She shook her head. "Besides, I know you and you'd only stay out of obligation. I want love, Severus," Hermione stated bitterly, more tears sliding down her cheeks. She wrestled the ring from her finger, her hands shaking as she did. "I thought perhaps that you.... But no, obviously I was being delusional. It's my fault really, I--"

"Damn it woman, will you let me talk?!" The wizard hissed, grabbing her and shaking her. His face was red and his breathing was labored. The expectant mother's eyes bulged and the ring in her hand fell to the ground. "I love you! But there's a part of me that's scared to death about all of this. Sometimes when you look at me I wonder if I can ever measure up to the man I was before everything happened. I wonder if my memories will ever return. I wonder how you'll feel about me if they don't. And now, you tell me that I'm going to be a father and I'm terrified. Because I love you and even though I've only known about our child for a few seconds I love it with all of my being as well and I am afraid of letting you both down."

More tears. But at least she was smiling now. "Severus," Hermione breathed, reaching up to cradle his face between both of her hands. "Don't you know that I love you unconditionally? Yes, I want you to recover your memories but that won't prevent me from loving you all the same. I've seen so many sides of you, Severus Snape. And I have learned to love them all even the more difficult sides. One thing is true for all, you're a good man Severus. You will never disappoint me, or our child as long as that remains."

Her words brought him much needed peace. Turning his head, he pressed his lips to her palm, then her wrist before kneeling down. Dark eyes sought out the sparkling piece of jewelry that fell from Hermione's grasp. "I uh, don't know how I did this before, but I'd wager the sentiments are the same." A nervous Snape prompted once he had the ring in one hand and her left hand in the other. "I love you, Hermione Jean Granger and it would be my most esteemed honor to have you as my wife. Will you marry me?"