Reflections (Chapter two)

Prayer.

Maybe I honor you in my own way.

My lord? Is it okay for me to call you that?

My mouth hasn't uttered your name in so long.

I thought myself just another Judas.

Someone you would cast your eye from.

But that not your way is it?

Despite all my protest.

Despite all my sin.

Despite how I tore at the clay you molded me from.

You took stock of my sacrifices.

Engraved chains within me.

That kept me bound tight with my grief.

Not in punishment for casting you aside.

But in knowing I would return one day.

Torn asunder and tired.

Looking for the piece of me that loved you.

That loved what you created.

But like a wounded dog.

I snapped at the helping hand.

Tried to rid myself of the pain that laid deep within.

Bared my fangs.

And refused to believe that you still loved me.

For why else would I have such pain.

But I've made my peace with it.

I don't know who I am now.

No longer David fighting Goliath.

Or Hercules during his trials.

Just a man.

Devote and lost.

In your name I've suffered.

In your name I have healed.

My heart is aflame with uncertainty.

As always I'm split between yes and no.

But I'll leave those choices in your hands.

My lord, guide my life.

Let these words serve as my baptism.

I may not lead a perfect life for you.

But in the end I hope my sins do not bear too heavy a price.

For a cracked soul like mine.

Is just too tired to do it alone anymore.

In the end.

If I never reclaim what I was.

Let him in.

I'll take the cast down for us both.

For he has always believed.

And I am but the sinner bound to him.

Amen.