Amanda's pov
It's been two long weeks , I haven't seen much of my friends lately or I should say acquaintances because they haven't been friends to me now and then. I have been going through a lot.... some things I can't even speak to myself about.
After that kiss with Asher, I kind of avoided the girls. I know that it's not the right thing to do but I can't just tell them. I don't know why this seems too awkward or personal maybe . What would they think? Especially what would Rachel think.,...she would judge me for being in love with Nicholas all this time and then making out with Asher and enjoying it will be the cherry on the top.
Nicholas has been more involved with Amelia and I can't help but hate her by the day. I know she's my best friend and oblivious to the fact that I have been crushing over her best friend for years but somehow I blame her for being who she is....the little miss perfect. She is the reason Nicholas won't even look at me. How am I not supposed to hate her?
Asher on the other hand has been paying alot more attention to me and its not recent. All these years I did notice him trying something with me and now I know what it was. I know I shouldn't enjoy making out with him but I do. I like it. His touch on my skin burns like a sensation I have never imagined. His eyes pour so much emotion into mine everytime I look at him. He looks at me like I am his whole universe. His lips...oh god those lips make me week in my knees and flip my stomach everytime he brushes them on my own. He holds me with such a desire that I know will build me and destroy him altogether.
I feel really great with him but I still am emotionally devoted to the one I can't have .
I want to like Asher but I can't get over him.
Amelia and Rachel have been rather close these days . I didn't mind at first but now I do. They're not really paying attention to me. I have been dealing with my own shit ...my past my present and the worry of future has gotten me tired mentally. They didn't ask. They didn't notice. They didn't care I think.
They should care. They're my friends.
All these thoughts in my head and I drive to Rachel's place with Amelia in the passanger seat humming a song . Yes, I still pick them up...well that was tradition so I can't ditch. Although I have ditched alot of our traditions this last week and a week before that.
I have skipped our meets at Rosie's, missed movie nights , skipped a family dinner at Nicholas's place , skipped lunch everyday with them and the list can continue.
" Hey birdies" Rachel says getting in... I now notice that I have already reached her house. Wow... I might be overthinking alot.
" Hello " " wassup "
" What's the plan today?" Rachel asks to no one in particular as I start to drive off to school.
" Studying at school I suppose" Lia replies and I chuckle
" Ha haha. .. I didn't even think that far Lia" Rachel says
" I know you're a few brain cells weaker than a basic human" Lia insults and I try to hold laughter.
" I am perfectly fine.... but it's you who's lacking some cells my beloved friend. We have 3 free lectures today so what are we going to do?" She says
" Imma study at the library.... I have been already behind on studies with all the hangouts you people plan and I can't keep being behind. " Lia finishes
" What hangouts ? Care to inform me?" I say
" Ohh so now you have our interest. " Says Rachel and I can practically feel the sarcasm dripping off of her tongue. Someone's been bold enough to speak these days.... I guess.
" Um yeah so we all have been hanging out at the arcade and mall sometimes. In our defence, you were always too busy to hangout the last week. " She said holding her breath as she speaks
" Oh and not that it matters to you Manda but we called and texted a bunch of times before ditching you " Rachel says getting out of my car
I remain silent. I don't know if I should blame them or realise myself that I am the one pulling back.
Blaming people....
Yeah thats easy. I blame them for everything. For that kiss with Asher, for my INCIDENT that evening, for my broken bond with Rachel, for my long ended-before-start love story, for everything wrong ... I blame them
Because thats easy and I choose what's easy
I choose the way which I never knew would be my destruction.
I see them walk ahead of me...and I can't help but compare the situation to life. They might walk away from me in life too if I keep this attitude up but what is the assurance that they won't walk away if I tried to hold on?
Are they worth it?
I follow them into the school and start the day.
Amelia's pov
" Are you stupid?" I say jogging abit to catch-up with Rachel
" No, but you are. Why not make her realise that she's been a bitch?" She says
" Not a bitch. She's just in her own life.... taking care of herself I suppose. "
" Yeah yeah...give her time...time heals and all that bullshit. I don't care Lia. She should open up. We're her friends ....if we're talking to her she should respond. If we invite her she should come. If we hangout she should be there . She's been ditching us and now she acts like we are ditching her ." Rachel's fuming inside with anger but lets this out as calmly as possible.
" I understand Rachel..and I somehow feel you too but we can't force people to behave as we want them too. Its their own decision that leads a friendship or a relationship. We can't force our friendship like that onto her. She has to be the one to decide whether she wants our help in going through whatever it is with her or not and she has clearly chosen the later."
I say
" Okay...but please please lets not stop making efforts. Lets keep inviting her to our un-neccassary hangouts." She says
" Ofcourse... she's the reason I suggested those stupid mall and arcade hangout thingy.... I was determined to plan those for her but she never showed up . We're not going to give up on her. She's our best friend. She deserves to be happy and we're gonna try our best at that. " I say
We part ways and I am met with a person I was avoiding for about last two weeks...
He's been a jerk to me the last 2 weeks and I am not forgiving that. He talked to me the rude way in class that day and I was willing to let it slide but then the whole week.....even at our hangouts he was purposefully avoiding me and behaving as if him and me are total strangers.
I don't know what's going on and he isn't telling me.
I don't know how I am supposed to help people without them telling me what's exactly wrong with them.
Humans do expect too much.
A little too much
Author's note
Another update after so long.
I am done with my pre-medical exam. Lets hope I get a college this year and I can start my journey of being a doctor.
You guys keep reading and please wish me luck on my exam results.
Xoxo
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