Without you. - [Chenford Story]

Chap 3 : Dada.

It's been two month since she passed away. Tim was back on patrol, and only on patrol, he quit METRO. He needed time for his daughter as he was now a single parent. Everyday was a new stage in his life, some of them were easy, others were hard.

It was a typical sunday morning. He was in the living room, Ellie was playing next to him. He was on the phone with Angela. He was looking at her, when she pointed him with her little finger and said " Dada ". Her 1st word. That was so precious right now. He hung up the phone and sat next to her. She named him. She crawled into his direction. He took her, kissed her cheek and put her back on the ground. " I'm so proud of you, mum is too ".

He never saw him as a single father, but life didn't give him the choice. During this past two months, he called Angela a lot of time for advices. First fever, first tooth, first boo boo, first fall, first purée, he didn't know nothing.

Later that day, someone knocked at the door, he opened. Tamara was here. How difficult it was for her too. She lost someone who saved her, an adoptive sister. She was affraid of losing him too, him and Ellie were the only loves one she had left. " My home will always be yours Tam ". Today she wanted to spend time with her. Be there. Be home.

T - Tam i was wondering, could you take care of her maybe one hour or so ?

She smiled and nodded. He kissed her daughter goodbye " be nice with Tam, i'm coming back ". He took his car keys and drove twenty minutes. He parked, got out from his car and went throught graves until he found hers. He cleaned up the grave a bit, and sat in front of her. It felt strange to see her name write on there. His mind was still processing the lost. He came twice a week to talk to her or just sat in silence. He was there since ten minutes, in silence.

T - She said " Dada " this morning. It was unexpected. She softened me more than you did. She is you. I see you in her. The way she looked at me, the way she laughed. She also crawled like a champion, she is faster everyday. You should be proud of her. Tam is with her right now. She seems fine. She will probably eat with us tonight. I laughed for the 1st time the other day, you can thanks your daughter who thought purée will suit perfect on Kojo. It was strange actually, laughing. I felt so guilty about it..

He made a pause.

T - I miss you so much Luce.. I'm still waiting for you to come home. When my phone rang, i'm still hoping it's you. When she's crying at night i'm still hearing you telling me " Your turn ". The dressing smells like you. It's hard to be here without you when you are everywhere. You think one day it's gonna be ok ? I swear i'm trying, but it's hard...

His phone rang, a text from Tamara. It was a video " You didn't tell me! I can't stop her, she said " Dada " over and over ". He smiled. He played the video for Lucy, twice. He stood up, looked at "her" one last time.

T - I love you.

He touched her grave before leaving and went back to his car. Everytime it was hard to leave.

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6am he switched off his alarm and got ready first before taking care of his baby. Every morning he had to drop her off at Angela's home. They had the same nanny. It was the only solution which made him back to work. Angela trusted her, so he did.

He kissed her goodbye, left his instruction for the day and offered Angela a ride to the station. It was silent. Angela gave him that look.

A - You didn't sleep right ?
T - One or two hours ..
A - Maybe you should see someone Tim, someone to talk with.
T - I have you
A - I'm a detective, not a doc. Even if you can talk to me everytime you need, maybe you know
T - He won't be better than you, he won't bring her back.
A - Tim ..
T - Please, not now.

She stopped. She knew he wasn't ready for this. But she tried. It was not the 1st time. Maybe one day he will. He was riding with Thorsen today. Most of the day was silent, except for work, but Aaron accepted it. He tried to have basic conversation with him, but he failed. Tim was in his old TO mood, the one he was before Lucy came into his life. He had a lot on his mind : His daughter, his life, his work, his grief, him, how to handle things. It was too much. Too much for one man.

End of the shift, he was waiting for Angela to leave the station. She was there five minutes after him. He started the car, music was on. The univers was playing with him right now. It was her favorite song, the one she sang all the time. A reminder she was not here anymore.

T - I'm not ready to let her go.

And with this confidence, Angela understood that this morning conversation was still in his head. He didn't want to get help because he scared. Scared of loosing her again. Scared of letting her go. It broke her.

A - It's not because you've got a little help that you're letting her go..

He nodded, tears-eyed stuck on the road. She was right.

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12/05/2024 - Here we go, Chap 3. Hope you liked it ! Please vote :) See you for the next one.