Family issues as teens

Hold on- Chord Overstreet

May 11th 2024.
I was 12 and was living in a shelter with mom, It had been 7 months I can't really remember when mom got a message from gran saying she loved mom and that she will always be with her mom thought that was weird so she called gran, Gran picked up and was slurring her words mom panicked as gran was talking about seeing uncle again, Mom called older brother M because she had no way of getting to gran and M was near by, Older brother M got there and had to kick down the bathroom door down, He found her passed out and foam was coming from her mouth he called 911 on his friends phone, Mom was listening to all of this and I was having a mental breakdown in our room (mom was in the shelters office at the time).

The ambulance got there and got her stable until they could get her to the hospital, Gran got to the nearest hospital and then got moved to a bigger hospital and was in a coma, Gran had overdosed. She was in the coma for a few weeks (again I can't remember as I spent most that time supporting mom and crying), Mom was visiting her every other day, Once gran was out of the coma the hospital put her in the psych ward so that she could heal properly with the doctors and nurses monitoring her, She came home after a week I think, Then me, mom, older brothers M & N went to her house for the whole first day she was home to help her with anything she needed, Now you maybe wondering why this chapter was named after a song well I have a answer for that, That song was holding me together at the time because I couldn't stop crying and then eventually I became numb.

Everytime I play that song the only thing I can think of is seeing mom bawl her eyes out every night before she went to bed, The staff at the shelter checking in and basically being therapists for me & mom, Hearing older brother M & N cry on the phone to mom, Mom making a group chat for the family so everyone (grans sisters, brothers & the older cousins) could get updates, Having nightmares every night, me & mom holding each other and getting calls from the hospital praying it was good news.

I am so happy my gran made it through all of this but I also hate that she did it, She did it because she wanted to be with uncle which I understand, But she was leaving all of us behind, I know that may seem selfish and bratty but gran is a big part of the family she is one of the most forgiving people I know and I say that I 'hate' her but never ever to the point that I wish her dead, Gran has a loving soul she just has so much hurt and trauma that she never really dealt with, On her really good days she is the best gran you could ever ask for and everyone has their bad days but her good ones a like gold, I love my gran and I beyond grateful that god did answer my prayers those days and kept her here on earth.

And just so everyone knows I do have a love 'hate' relationship with gran but she has never let me down and is the only gran I have, I would never ask for a different gran, Yes she is insecure and she would point those out infront of me while looking at the mirror and saying that she hated her reflection and I learned to do that and got insecure and hated my reflection, Yes she gave me a butt-load of trauma and anxiety but she didn't know how to get over her own trauma, Yes she didn't support a lot of things I did or do now but that is only because she doesn't want me to be like her, It took me a very very long time to realize that but I have grown to love myself no matter what others think, I've grown to learn new ways to see my reflection I look at the little girl inside that is saying she is 'ugly' and I tell her she is beautiful, kind, brave, strong and powerful, I am learning new ways to help my trauma, anxiety and depression and all I want for gran is for her to do the same.

Gran is beautiful, loving, caring, kind and her little self deserves to hear that, She just needs a little push and encouragement to get there and thats exactly what I am doing because she deserves to feel beautiful just like she is on the inside and outside.

Ok so that is chapter 7 of my little book, If you are reading this please reach out to anyone my inbox is open to everyone because I know what it is like to struggle and I would be glad to help anybody, Also please go to your mirror and instead of saying anything mean or rude to your reflection think of little you who never deserved that criticism, I love all who are taking the time to read this, I'm gonna go now bye everyone💗