Look Me in the Eyes (and tell me that it's me) [Zhongchili]

Chapter 14 - Never to Be Silenced

The week comes to a close, bringing with it a new month—exam month. Silence blankets the campus streets, the students having holed themselves up in their dorms to drown themselves in study materials.

For the first week, Yoimiya doesn't message him. None of her usual texts asking to meet up, no light chatter, not even the stray emoji. He considers messaging her first, but he figures she'll come around when she's ready to talk.

With no other on-campus social obligations, Ajax goes in only to hand in some pre-graduation paperwork that for some reason the administration has neglected to add into the online portal, and to look after the kids' theatre club with Yoimiya. She talks to the children more than him, and whenever the two of them have a matter to discuss, the words between them are brief.

He spends the rest of the time at home or with Zhongli.

With Zhongli, it's easy to forget about the upcoming exams. Although Ajax's suspicions remain unresolved, Zhongli treats him well, so he shelves them as best he can. His dreams haven't provided any new information, and worrying about it isn't going to help. As long as he doesn't let anything slip regarding his memories, there's no point in wasting a good time.

And a good time they have, eating dinner, watching films, and kissing. Lots and lots of kissing.

They don't fuck again, sadly. It's not fair considering how, after their surprise first time, Ajax takes extra special care to make sure he's clean, tidy, and fresh down there for each visit, just in case he happens to get lucky. He tries to initiate a few times, but Zhongli deflects back to the movie playing on the television, to the weather, to any other topic he can pluck from the air. As frustrating as it is, Ajax doesn't push it. Zhongli is a refined, proper sort; it's a wonder he does anything at all without having had a formal introduction to Ajax's entire extended family.

At home, Ajax tries to study.

He tries.

However, whenever he sits on his mattress, earphones in, music on, and attempts to start reading through his module notes, a distant static crawls through his thoughts and his body itches. It starts in his fingertips, a tingling numbness that creeps up to his knuckles. His hands twitch, and lightning tracks along his arm. He drops his pen, heart pounding, ears echoing with the throbbing of his own pulse.

Then, as fast as it comes on, it goes.

Mother suggests that he take a trip to the student nurse, but he declines.

This is no ordinary sickness. While his thoughts are occupied, he's fine, but as soon as he attempts to focus, to hone in on the mundanity of taxes and imports and supply-demand diagrams, his thoughts flash with scenes of the past. His palms search for the ghost of a hydro blade, and he tingles with the same rush from the night at the bar.

It's after one of these episodes that he finds himself home alone, Father working and Mother out to collect his siblings from school. He has half an hour until he's leaving to meet Zhongli and so, in his boundless intelligence, has decided that it's a good idea to attempt to study.

He sits on his mattress, his heart pounding so violently that his body sways with every beat, and droplets of sweat drip from his fingertips. He presses a hand to his chest, as though he might be able to contain his heart from beating itself free from its cage, and attempts to slow his breathing.

This sucks. His body is a powder keg, and his thoughts are the trigger. Staying here is no good, so that means it's time to visit Zhongli, as he's taken to doing when his thoughts race with violent images and his hands tingle and twitch. His parents still thankfully assume his increased time away from home is due to impromptu study meet ups with Yoimiya and extended library sessions (a misconception he hasn't hastened to correct) and Zhongli never minds if he's early, anyway.