My Notebook

Therapy

I hated therapy sessions
They made me feel weak
They felt intolerable
And I never seemed to agree with therapist
They never really listened to what I had to say. What words were forming and coming out of my mouth. And to me.. They cared more about money and if the therapy sessions were over so they could go on break.
My therapist is a bitch though
She's old and wrinkly and she has worn out moon circled glasses with dyed dark black hair swayed half to the right in a modern pixie cut. And she had this stare that could kill.
If I let her
She never cared about what I would say. Instead she'd sit and look bored until I finished so she could ramble on and on and on about how HER life was going.
Not mine
I didn't ask if her cat had wet or dry food this morning
I didn't ask if her car was broken in to
I didn't ask when she got married or when her and her husband's anniversary was coming up.
Bit everything I came here she'd blab and blab and in the end she'd get mad because I never opened up to her.
For the half hour
And I would get mad and leave the room like always and hop into mom's red Nissan and plug my ears with music.
Mom never asks me how it goes
She just buckles up and drives until we get home and she can go to her room and drink and smoke until she passes out.
I've never told anyone this before
Not even the stupid therapist
If I told her she'd wave a hand and say "Oh that's cool" and ignore me.
Just like everyone else
My doctor said that therapy would help me. It would help open my mind and let my voice flow. It would take intrusive thoughts and give them a soft comfortable place to rest their heads and let me have peace. Doctors lie
My doctor was wrong
Therpaists are stuck up assholes. And I've been to four different ones before. They always did the same exact thing.
Ignore me
Ignore Z
Ignore me because I'm the last one
Ignore Ignore Ignore Ignore
It's like everyone does that.
That's why I'm in therapy
They said it would help give me the break I needed.
The truth that was lying so far away. Yet kept running backwards evetytime I tried to reach forward. Because sometimes people don't want to listen to your problems. In high school they call it trauma dumping.
My therapist
Calls it "cool"
Sometimes if she's in a good mood she let's me talk. But then I close up
I only talk about school and people I know and how I got a job at sonic. But on bad days she ignores me and goes through her phone or yaps about her life.
I guess that's what happens when your mom thinks therapy is bullshit and gets you the cheapest one she can find.
She reminds me of Mr.Krabs who only cares about himself
My therapist reminds me of plankton because she's self absorbed about herself and her damn cat every session.
But this time
Things will change