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/11/ Never Alone

"No matter how busy you are, do not ever skip your meals,"

He sticks to his routine more than I do. All these months, I sometimes do not stick to my routines especially when I've got something more important tasks than eating.

For me, studying and taking an exam with an empty stomach makes you smarter. But maybe, it doesn't work that way. Maybe that is the reason I couldn't sometimes comprehend the lesson being taught.

I closed my notes and followed him. To my surprise, we went to our study hideout. He packed lunch and I didn't even notice it!

"Now, we can study better,"

He opened his notes and I was so amazed by how he is so organized. I don't even have the luxury of time to take down notes and rewrite it, but he did it!

Maybe I can ask for his help? It wouldn't be that bad, right? I want to ask him how he did it.

But then, I wouldn't let myself look dumb. My audacity to ask for it when clearly, the problem is me. He may help, but to continue for it depends on how I'll stick to it.

Okay, I'd rather let myself look dumb than to not hear his answer.

"How did you manage to do it?"

He seems to get it, thus his answer, "You just need to keep going and doing it, Iris. You shouldn't lose your momentum."

Now, I realized it. Sometimes, I disregard things that I think I can do it the other day. I lost my momentum the moment I decided to not do it on that particular day.

We studied there, and he's teaching me sometimes, whenever I need his help. There is this one particular lesson I couldn't understand. He taught me how to do it, how it comes to that equation. He even showed it's derivation.

Whenever he teaches me, I am at peace. Studying is not that hard if you enjoy every phase of it. It's so easy once you figure out it isn't hard.

*

Tapos na ang midterm exam namin. Parang ang bilis lang ng panahon. Noon, pinoproblema ko lang ang kung paano makapasok sa university na to, ngayon, kung papaano na makapasa.

We had groupings that Tuesday morning, sa Mathematics in the Modern World. We can pick our own group on whom we want to, and Christian picked me. We are three and the other member is Michael Jay.

I volunteered to do the research, I also can do the PowerPoint presentation if no one volunteered.

"I'll do the PowerPoint. You and Michael Jay can do the research and do a mock presentation. You have to delegate the task, Iris. Delegate, or die."

He was so good at playing with words.

I have so much to do that day that I forgot it's nearly lunch time. Kung hindi pa nga ako pinaaalahanan ni Christian ay di ko pa mapapansin ang oras.

"You know, your day shouldn't be just doing your responsibility. First, feed your head, Iris. It is good to know that you are prioritizing what must be done but you should do something that will be of good use to your daily lives."

Nakakaligtaan ko na ang magbasa dahil sa dami ng gawain. Para sa'kin kasi, dapat mag'aral muna ako, saka ko na gagawin ang magbasa kapag natapos na ang dapat na gawin. Pero dahil sa halos walang katapusan na gawain, nakakalimutan ko na ito minsan.

I followed his advise. Somehow, it made me feel better about myself as I'm reading about growth, on how can I further improve my listening skills. I like his mindset about everything he is dedicated to.

I made sure that I read at least ten pages a day. After that, I studied. I always keep in mind that my growth is all that matters. Everything, in the end will be of no use if I couldn't develop control over myself.

"To make studying easier, work with it."

I admired his excellence. I adored him more the way he disciplined himself, something I lack of.

*

"You know, I'm always trying to wake up at four, but I always failed!"

I'm throwing my tantrums at him. He just makes me feel comfortable that I'm saying everything what I think and felt.

He was silent the whole time I throws away my frustration, as always. He's always like that. He never judged me for what I've done, instead, he walks me through my mistakes and let me reflect where did I go wrong. When I finally knew it, he would then applaud me and advise me.

"Let's make a bet, then. If you consistently wake up at four for six days, I'll give you five hundred pesos. When you fail, you pay me."

I agreed. It's a good bet, though. Another challenge to be made.

Ever notice how your mouth affects the way you see yourself? That's the power of words. The power of self talk.

When you are saying nothing but bad about yourself; that you're not enough, you can't do this, you're not even worth it, etc., you make yourself just like that. So, watching our mouth is necessary. We have to watch our actions.

"You become what you say,"

I can still hear his voice ringing into my ears like he just said it a moment ago. It is true then, that reflecting requires humility to see what we did wrong.

The thought, when aligned with our purpose, gives a positive outcome. I won the bet. It's not just motivation that drives me, it's discipline.

I'm not after his money, though. I just accepted the bet since it's a challenge for me. I didn't accept his money.

He finally gave up and walked out. Is he upset? Did I upset him?