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/4/ Gratitude

It would be better to find good in every circumstance. Does good and bad really exists? Or it's how we see or perceive a circumstance may be.

Walang tao o nilalang na likas na masama. O sadyang optimistic lang akong tao. Ganon naman talaga di ba?

Minsan, isang pagkakamali lang ng isang taong pinagkakatiwalaan natin, nawalan na tayo ng tiwala. We tend to see the small mistake and forget the good things he'd done no matter how big or small it is. That's in our nature as humans, that is why I think I should always be grateful and not be driven by that nature I had been.

Forgiving isn't about being nice to them, it's about being nice to yourself. I am starting to forgive them, or I would only make a bad impression of myself if I won't. That would also mean that I am not being nice to myself.

I forgive myself for my wrongdoings in the past. I am done with it already. I love myself so much that I couldn't bear to let myself suffer just because of my past.

I find compassion in everything I do now, as I walked towards the table to eat our dinner. There is this blazing desire, a scorching feeling I couldn't wait to let out.

"Mom, I know what I want now." They all looked at me, as if a cue to go on with my discussion. "I want to be become an engineer."

There was a sudden silence. Akala ko nga papagalitan ako kasi matagal bago sila makapagsalita. "If you want to become an engineer, you should start doing it now," my mom said.

What does she mean by that? But then, I recalled what it means to start doing it now. That was to start erasing the other person from the equation.

It doesn't necessarily mean that that other person really means the other person, but my behavior that affects it. How I am true to my words that I'd do it no matter what the given circumstance may be. How I am committed to what I want in life.

Maybe, life may try to challenge me. Maybe, my mental struggles would get in the way. Maybe, luck is not on my side but I'm not just relying on my luck. I am playing along with it.