a few days later after the gig night with Deanna and Nat
Deanna sat curled up in her cream colored blanket holding a warm mug of coffee. She started back binge watching YOU, but her focus couldn't keep up with today's binge. She kept replaying that night over and over in her head. Would she really do this nat? She was all he had for family. She was his everything. She was all he had left. Was it worth it?
Deanna heard Nat's footsteps into the house. The last few days have just been awkward. She dreaded the day she actually would have to do it. Could she look him in the eyes again? Would she ever be able to touch him or kiss him without the guilt? This couldn't be it. This couldn't be the only way out of this hell.
She wouldn't dare tell nat because she knew that he would never work there again. Opportunities are so slim and hard to get in this big city. Who knows what doors this could open for her husband. Again, at what cost to her?
Nat walked over to his wife and gave her forehead a soft kiss. He could feel the obvious distance between them. He didn't know if Deanna was hiding something from him or not. He knew he needed to know, but also he knew that he needed to give her space to feel comfortable to tell him.
Deanna was quite jumpy lately, which made him worried. They always had this bond between them since high school that they could tell each other anything. If something was wrong, he knew Deanna will tell him. So if she hasn't said anything, then maybe nothing's wrong? Then again, why was she's so distant and acting weird?
Deanna always tried to keep a good poker face around him. She would fail miserably every time. She knew eventually, and he would get suspicious. She didn't know how she could keep a secret from him. She knew if she went through with it, the ultimate betrayal it would be. She was his only family and for her to do that would be like a stab in the back. Like a knife through his heart. he wouldn't survive it. They wouldn't survive it.
She imagined all the things that he would feel. She imagine how gross he would feel. How he wouldn't even look her in the eyes. How small he would get. How much he would be bruised. She figured he would do one of the most craziest things she could ever imagine. If she went through with it, he would've never played again. What if he never wanted to ever do music again?
Nat would always tell her that he would give up anything in the world for her. That also included music. Nat was nuts for Deanna. You could say in high school Nat was definitely a puppy in love. He'd carry her books to class every single day. He'd walk her there. He'd wait to walk her home. He was truly in love with Deanna.
See Deanna was just like this beautiful angel that walked into his life. He couldn't imagine life without her. When his parents died, Deanna was the first person he called. She was there as fast as he needed her. When he needed to write music, she was there. Deanna was his muse. He knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her the moment he met her. Which is a little insane or crazy for two high schoolers. It was just like love at first sight.
It was like all the other girls before her could never compare. She meant so much to him. Deanna knew so much that and it just killed her inside. She couldn't even look at Nat. She hadn't even done anything yet and she already felt so guilty. Every time she looked into his eyes, she would just replay again, and again the same scene from her nightmares.
she imagines herself, stripping bare-naked in front of the older male figure. Her clothes are on the floor but they're not the floor she's used to. Her lips are where her lips have never been before. The sounds she'd make would just be all an illusion. She'd never mean a single word from her lips. She felt nothing. Nothing at all.
She could hear his voice in her ears as her eyes start to water. She could feel herself tremble in terror. She can see the pain in his eyes. His hand collide with the wall. That's gonna cost $500 or more to fix. The loud "fuck you" that comes from his mouth. His hands gliding through his hair as he fights the urge to scream. That's if he's not already screaming. Him throwing the ring at her and storming out of the house.
