Mid Winter Wishes

Chapter 10

Nihal and I would talk during our online sessions and would wait for another class to begin so that the conversation kept going on . I would also pass my time simply he would joke and sometimes he would thank me for random things.
One sudden day during our afternoon's lecture he asked me my relationship status or anyone I had liked before . I ignored his text and our meeting got over in the next class he asked the same question and I said
"NO JUST STOP ASKING THIS "
He said "Okay if you say so "

That thing was over when few day later we were getting together very well but not like best friends  ......or something getting closer .
It was getting colder in our region ,december was far away but the shivering started . One fine day he asked me if I use Instagram or snapchat so we could connect there .
I denied because I had the most strict mother ever like social media was ban in our house .
He requested me to join any of the two media and I was also in my TEENAGE PHASE where you want to try the things even if they are restricted simple teenager behaviour pattern .
I started my first social media hiking that was
Snapchat ......
Yes , we started chatting there first very normal chats
About my day , as I would tell him very light informations about myself he would open up big details about him.
One day while he was in a wedding he called me through the app I rejected and asked him what was the matter to which first ever confession of love came out
He said
"I've liked many girls and many girls made me feel good , but that's the thing about you I feel happiest with you, talking to you and listening to you and you know what I really love you ".

Those were shock to me , no matter what that gave me goosebumps those words were the first ever words of love confession for me . I wouldn't get away with that but I wasn't that involved with him . I didn't felt the same for him . I even cant break his heart and say a no because I really know what a no does to someone  .
I felt happy with him he would brighten up my day whenever I felt like life's getting off the track but I didnt loved him at that point.
So I gave us few days to know, to be friends and if I felt like I would say a yes or if i didnt we'd be friends .
He agreed and said
"If you will take forever I'll try my best forever ."
It's was seeming all good and fantasized but reality was
I was a soul who didnt belive in love , like it never turned pretty to me I saw break ups I saw issues around me I saw hatred more than love .
I had no right to destroy anyone's life because I was bleeding with hatred all my life . It was all so complicated the time the hault and the guilt what is I would hurt him . I was stressed out and told him not to wait for my answer and move on in life ...just find a nice and right girl who would love you better than me .
After these text I found myself crying ....

Crying for the things I said hurted me more than it would hurt him. It baffled me with anxiety it diluted the love within me and I bursted into the self I was hiding .
I told him my insecurities I let my myself unfiltered,unbandaged open wanting him to fix every broken piece of me .
He tried and assured that if the world is moving fast he'll slow down for me
If the anxiety within you is not letting you breathe
I'll be your garden of fresh aromatic flowers
You can rest ....rest on me

I was assured I felt that love
That wouldn't destroy me
That it would nurture me let me grow , make me feel like home without rooms and doors .
I told him that his tries are good but still I needed time to settle myself and keep my wounds away to create a place in my heart where we both could strive.
He waited

We kept moving in our life talked daily shared our things and interests. One day I got a news from my neighbour that our street dog Oscar died due to poisoning. Who ever knows me knows the fact I adore animals to the deepest corner of my heart , I would give my life to serve them with everything I have. And demise of a dog I loved so much was shattering like an angel came to meet me and after sometime the angel left without even letting me know . I felt like crying I even cried alot and my day was all grey no light I shared these things with him and he told me
"Its really sad to loose someone but never let yourself down , our dog is there up in the sky . Happy and wagging its tail for you ." I felt relief not with just those words but also someone making me feel secure and relief .

Day by day I kept falling for him and our school also started after that lockdown I had two friends in school Bhumika and Nihal . We didn't talked much in school just eye contacts that would say everything in just one second . Like that one day our teacher caught one guy smoking and everyone was shocked she scolded the whole class for being lost in the very wrong direction . Specially the boys who were acting like they been aged a long ago I agreed and looked the bench in the other line and saw nihal just staring at me like a literal stupid kid . After the day in school he texted me
"Are you okay?"
I texted him back
"Yes , I'm fine but just tell me one thing
Do you smoke?"
He came up with the laughing emoji and cracked up and said
"If I do then why are you worried "
Damn idiot why wouldn't I be worried about you . Damed this boy!
I gave him a damn good lecture about all these bad habits and then he stopped me in the half way telling me
How strict his dad is about these habits . He would be thrown out if he smokes,drinks or is in any bad habits.
He promised me ........

And I was too innocent to believe these promises . Promises are never meant to be the forever kinda thing rather than promising someone and giving them fake words to linger on even when everything is over we should rather say
I'll make efforts, I'll mane things work
I'll make us work ......
It's not about words ,but how much those words are turned into reality .