~Mental pain~ Matt Sturniolo

𝟐𝟏. Depressive episode.

———————————————
You stay quiet, while a war happens within you.
———————————————

"Alright bud," Nick throws an arm around his brother's shoulder and slightly pulls him closer while walking into their house. Matt gives in to the touch and allows Nick to help him to his room. "Lets get u to bed." Nick finishes his sentence.

When they arrive in Matt's room Matt immediately falls down on his bed, but Nick insists on changing into pyjama's first. And at the time Matt has changed Chris walks into the room with a bowl of pasta and a glass of water. Pasta at nine thirty in the morning? Yes, it's never too early for pasta people.

Nick and Matt sit next together in his bed with the blanket already covering their legs. Nick throws an arm around Matt again and pulls him close. Matt lets his head fall down on Nick's shoulder and closes his eyes, knowing he'll be forced to eat a least half of the bowl soon. He feels the mattress dip, meaning Chris is right in front of him now.

"I don't want it." His shaky voice brings out without opening his eyes. He feels Nick softly starting to run his fingers through his hair. "I know, but you need to." He says softly.
Matt is surprised his brothers still have so much patience with him. It goes like this every time a meal gets put in front of him. His heart aches when he remembers the tantrum he threw yesterday evening. "I'm not hungry." Matt brings out while shaking his head in short movements. "You haven't eaten since yesterday morning, I can basically hear your stomach scream for food." Chris says with the familiar gentleness in his voice.

Matt reluctantly opens his eyes, looking at the food in front of him. "It's okay bubba, you need it." Nick says sweetly, not removing his fingers from Matt's hair. He looks Nick in the eyes who gives him a sweet smile and an encouraging nod. He looks at the food again and lets a shaky sigh of defeat leave his mouth.

With slow movements he brings his hands forward to the fork in front of him. He picks it up and brings it to the bowl, putting a few pieces of pasta on it. He sighs again. His mind starts going rapid, insulting thoughts begin spinning around in his mind. But the one most standing out is the old one, the one that Matt is so familiar with.
Fat.

Fatty
FAT
FAT
FAT
FAT
FAT
FAT
FAT!
FAT!!

It's always fat. Whatever happens, it always comes down to fat.

Thick tears roll down Matt's pale cheeks as he brings the food to his mouth. He hesitates once more before he puts the fork in his mouth and starts to chew on the pasta. Tears are now pouring down his face like a waterfall. He then feels a hand rubbing soft cirkels over his back. He looks up to Nick who looks down at him. "Good job Matty." Nick says softly with a proud smile on his face. Chris then leans forward and gently rubs the tears off his cheek. "First bite's always the hardest." He smiles. Matt gives him a small smile back and picks up the fork again.

FAT-

———————————————
The mind replays what the heart can't delete.
———————————————

When the whole bowl is empty he feels Nick wiping his tears gently and then gets the glass of water handed to him which he washes down quickly. Chris takes the glass from him, ruffles his hand through his hair and walks away with the bowl and the glass. Matt looks up at Nick again. "Can we go to sleep now?" He asks, voice soft and broken. Nick's eyes soften at the younger's tone and brings his hand up to Matt's cheek again, wiping away the remains of tears. "Of course baby." He says softly while breaking into a smile. Matt then leans forward and wraps his arms around Nick's torso, hugging him tightly while burying his head in the elder's chest. Nick rests his head on Matt's head and hides his face in the boy's curls while hugging him back and rubbing cirkels over his back.