A hobby No one knows

.....5.....
My interest rise and rise with the passing time. I went to Banaras for a family trip. That was the journey I was most excited about. I've seen all the cremation videos on the intrest belongs to the Ghats Of Manikarnika....
Manikarnika the holy place which celebrate death. A place were lord Shiva became mahadev and it's a dream of every person to die in the bhoomi of Kashi. It is said to be a place of enlightenment. Hundreds and hundreds of cremation held there everyday.. ashes and burning bodies surrounds the whole of the Ghat.
We reach there at night booked a hotel (Divine palace) near deshashmev ghat.
In the morning around 7 am we went to the Kashi temple and around 10am I was there...
The Manikarnika Ghat,the place where I was dieing to go and sit. Lots of death bodies were carried on four shoulder with the chanting of "Ram Ram Satya hai" it brings chills to my spine. Death bodies all around me. Some with the old ones and some of young men women,widows and kids aswell. I was mesmerized with the view of what I was looking. Every step I took of the stayers make me more excited and peaceful. The burning sensation of the fire touched my skin. I sat down a little far from the Ghat to maintain distance and also to get better look of the whole area.
All my depression, anxiety just stopped the moment I sit there..
I felt like the most peaceful and calm person existing in this planet. Nothing was bothering me, nothing was stressing me out, nothing was haunting me.
There was just peace, internal peace...
I don't want to go anywhere, I just want to be here forever, I just want to spend my entire life sitting and watching the burning of life.
I know this happiness was not normal but Now, I don't care about anyone's opinion about it. It's was not a Hobbie it was love..
"LOVE OF DEATH"