Orange Is The New Pink !in progress!

My body is a cage

⚠️Huge CW , Abuse, Transphobia,  and a suicide attempt ⚠️

I feel my stomach churn as I walk to the couch my mom staring at me blankly crying before pulling out the binder and a pin with "he him" on it...shit..,I could have sworn she looked at me as if I had killed someone...

My parents had always kept tabs on me. But I never thought it'd go this far, Far enough to know that I was trans, far enough that they'd hate their own spawn just for existing.

"Noelle how could you do this to us..." my dad sobs as if he just watched me die. As if to say I was dead to him , Talking as If I was an addict to something like heroin. When all I was doing was being me

"I'm sorry?" I attempt to apologize before my mother interjects startling me as I feel my heartbeat nearly bust through my chest

I could barely breathe, like something was clogging my throat, I wanted to scream but nothing would come out..

"I didn't raise a son! God made you my daughter.. in MY image...why would you take that away from me..." she begins bawling .

"Who did this to you Noelle? Who taught you this was okay!?" My father shouts snatching the binder from my mom's hands and throwing it right into the trash .

"Exactly where it belongs," he says before grabbing my arm, before I can leave to go to my room.

"If I ever see you acting like that..you're dead to us." He yells as I try to escape his grip

"You're being too obsessed..just let it go.."

"Just go to your room.."

I sigh , as I walk to my room I hiss at the pain. Switching out my dress and bubble braids for Jorts and an oversized Queen shirt, even if I couldn't have my binder I could still hide my chest with baggy clothes in a pinch. Soon after I put my hair into a ponytail before I look at myself in the mirror.

I grab my airpods from my bag as I turn on music letting my tears flood my pillow

My body felt like a cage , like I was stuck with no escape.

I read back all my messages from Mei , Dustin and formaggio

When we were happy. All the times we went out to lunch, and cuddled, and dreamed of getting married, those memories were long gone.  They would never happen again. 

 thousands of thoughts flood my head

'You don't deserve to live'

'Why not just die'

'You're pathetic'

'You're gonna die alone'

I panic and I remember the container of drain cleaner in my bathroom cupboard , I always hated the smell of chemicals, it burned my nostrils at even a whiff

I remember seeing in a movie it would have me out cold in seconds , A quick end to the pain , Genius.

I make a hasty note to my parents, to Mei , to Dustin

Before I grab the mug I set my toothbrush in , emptying it, and pouring a shot of the blue liquid inside , I take a large sip, just as disgusting as I imagined , it burned going down as I felt my knees go weak and I fall to the floor with a thud.

This is the end. Finally . Before I hear footsteps and the door opening, How stupid was I to not lock the door 

I feel my body being carried..

"Noelle... sweetie ...please don't go.." 

Dad?

The one who said I was dead to him was the one who wanted me to die least.

Why didn't he leave me be and let me die , and hopefully I'd be reborn as a man in the next life 

I hear sirens before I fall unconscious again

A/N I failed the "don't reference heathers" challenge oops,  I'll be busy this week with final exams,