Tie a Knot|| Blue Lock

Chapter 20

[Name]'s eyes widened as he felt the hair being tucked back into place on his head. Although Sae didn't look any different, now that they were a lot closer, he could notice the slight softening of his features.

For the coldness the afternoon wind brought upon them, he sure felt warm right now.

The moment lasted a lot shorter than he hoped it would as Sae eventually pulled away, putting them back to square one as they stood the same distance they started in. 

"I, um..." He stuttered out, unsure of how to continue after the surprisingly intimate action. He chewed on the inside of his cheek before deciding on something to say. "Why don't we catch up?" He finally asked the question he'd been hesitating to say as he held out an inviting hand for Sae to take. "We can talk about all that's happened over the years. It'll be fun don't you think? To be able to-"

Sae let out a loud sigh, cutting [Name] off.

Somehow, during his rambling, Sae's face morphed back into a cold and neutral look as he stared at him. Even the tiny change he'd seen earlier was no longer visible. "We don't have anything to talk about."

"What?" [Name] let the word fall out of his lips as his expression dropped just a bit.

"You talk too casually as though we're friends." Sae's cold words felt like a shot in the heart as he furrowed his eyebrows in both confusion and frustration.

"Huh? What do you mean?" [Name] asked, his voice louder than he'd ever used it in the duration of their conversation. "Are we not friends?" He asked desperately for an answer.

"Were we ever?" Sae shot back coolly as he shoved his hands inside the pockets of the jacket he wore. "Even if you thought of me as someone special, you still fail to understand that I've never considered you as a friend. Not even once."

"But then..." Why? Why act so kind to him in the past? Why smile at him so warmly and pull him along to places you've only shown Rin? Why open up your heart to me? Why? Why?  "Why?"

Sae rolled his eyes as he could practically read the questions on [Name]'s face. "Because I had to, that's all. My mom kept setting me up on play dates to get some friends. It became annoying so I decided to pretend I became friends with whoever she introduced just so she'd stop. It just happened that you showed up, that's all." He explained.

Tears appeared in [Name]'s eyes as he remembered all the fond memories he'd had with the Itoshi family, with Rin, and with Sae. In an instant, his heart seemed to shatter into a million pieces as the memories he held so dearly suddenly lost their importance. So it was all an act?

Despite the grief that passed through [Name]'s face, Sae merely reacted indifferently to it as he kept rubbing salt into the fresh wound. "Why do you think I cut you off as soon as I was finally in Spain? You were annoying me. You just kept chatting and I had no time to deal with you."

Oh. That made a lot of sense...

"I see," He whispered shakily as he looked down, hiding his face away before the tears finally fell down.

Sae watched as [Name] his bowed head and now that he couldn't see his expression, he let his true feelings show. A similar look of grief appeared on his face as he longed to reach out. He wanted to provide comfort but how could he when he's the one causing it?

'This is necessary.'  He breathed in deeply as he gripped the inside of his jacket tightly. He couldn't fail now after he's already reached this far. 'It's for the best.' He repeated in his head, whether as a reminder or something to convince himself, he didn't want to know.

He turned around and finally walked away. He would've stayed longer if only to punish himself, but he didn't think his heart could handle hearing any more of [Name]'s quiet sobs.

Before he could move too far, he suddenly paused. He bit his lips as he strengthened whatever was left of his dignity. "Don't show your face to me ever again. You're nothing but an annoying pest to me." He needed to make sure [Name] didn't run after him.

Sae didn't need distractions. 

The Football World is a cruel place so he needs to be even crueler. He couldn't afford to have weaknesses, he couldn't afford to feel. If he wants to survive then this is how it must be.

if he needs to continue acting like an uncaring asshole for the world then he mustn't let his image drag down anyone else's, least of all [Name]'s. He could see through his performances that he'd suffered and gone through a lot just to get to where he was.

If he were to ruin that for him, then Sae doesn't think he'd be able to forgive himself.

'I'm sorry.'

He took slow steps as he left, his heart heavier than it's ever felt. Although he didn't deserve to enjoy the beauty of the place they once walked together, he kept his eyes open as a form of punishment. Images of their younger selves flashed by him as he walked in a composed manner, the laughter and whispered promises echoing in his ears.

"When you're back, let's buy popsicles together again." A younger version of [name] smiled in front of him, his pinky being lifted towards his face.

Sae took a shaky breath as he kept walking, ignoring the image his mind conjured up.

He was being haunted by the memories of their childhood right now but he couldn't find it in himself to complain. He deserved it, after all.

Sae's right hand, which had been buried inside his pockets this whole time, gripped the leftover stick from the popsicle he had eaten before he met with [Name]. Although the latter might never know of what he's done, at least Sae knew that he had kept his promise. It was the least he could do after everything.

From where Sae had left him, [Name] let his body fall onto his knees, uncaring for the dirt and the small rocks. Multiple tears fell down his face as he sobbed into his hands. Long forgotten was the popsicle he had initially dropped as it melted beside his feet.

For some reason, it felt like he was losing so many people.

As the sweet treat trickled down onto the edge of the road and into where the sea was below him. As it kept melting, the stick slowly revealed something etched on it.

'Winner.'

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I don't think I executed this as well as I hoped :')