empire of lust (scotia springs #1)

twenty six

crimson red.
everywhere.
blood.
on the walls
the floor
the roof
my fingers
my hair
my clothes
his clothes
his hair
the knife
everywhere.
"what have you done."

i shoot awake, my hand grabbing at my shirt, taking deep breath's in and out. my gaze snaps to novas bed, and i sigh in relief when i see that i didn't wake her up.

slowly and surely, i get out of my bed. dammit ayda this is why you don't sleep.

it makes me feel like a fucking kid, still having nightmares about my past, my thoughts on a never ending cycle, exploring the hundred different ways that, that day could've ended, yet i still chose the one i did.

i walk over to the bathroom, deciding to take a quick shower since i was drenched in sweat. i wash my body, not my hair.

i'm in and out of the shower in five minutes, quickly brushing my teeth and my hair. i don't give a shit about todays outfit. it's a saturday, all i'll be doing today is shopping, like i do most saturday's, and nova will be with her family.

i throw on my uggs, brown sweatpants, and a white tank top. sitting back down in my bed, noticing the time reads 7:30am.

that's fine, i'll wait at the cafe a little early. besides, sometimes whoever's working opens early.

shoving my airpods in my ear, i decide to be a masochist today and play i bet on losing dogs by mitski. shoving my phone into my back pocket, i make my way to the cafe.

i walk extra slow today, so when i do arrive at the cafe, maybe it'll actually be open. when i'm within eyes reach with the cafe, i find a clock on the wall, seeing 7:49am on it, and i groan.

please be open early, please be open early, please be open early.

squeezing my eyes shut for only a second, i walk up to the cafe, slowly cursing life when i see it is opened early, by the one and only, jake.

i walk up to the counter, double tapping my left airpod so my music pauses. "vanilla coke, and a waffle with a scoop of vanilla ice cream." i mutter, not looking into his eyes.

"what was that?" he asks, and i narrow my eyes. he's staring at the cash register instead of me, when he gets a glance at me, he does a double take, looking me up and down.

"jesus" he mumbles. okay, so i put zero effort into my appearance, today is one of those days. he starts putting in my order, so clearly he did fucking hear me.

i use my phones apple pay, then making my way to a bean bag, which has one small circular table in front of it.

i throw my elbows onto the table, and slam my head into my palms, rethinking all my life decisions. i sit there like that for atleast ten minutes, i'm sure jake had already set my food onto the table, but didn't mutter a word.

eventually, i lift my head up, a squeal leaving my throat when i come face to face with dominic. "what are you doing here!" i whisper-shout. stupid question, considering the man works here.

"what's wrong?" he ignores me completely. "what?" i ask, tilting my head to the side curiously and his gaze darkens for a second.
"you're upset, why?"

i cant tell him the truth, so instead, i lie.

"i just don't see us having that future you so desperately want us to have" the words cautiously leave my mouth, and he replies "we'll go see a fucking eye doctor later" not a silver of joke in his tone, and i swat his shoulder, "i'm being serious!"