Y/N's Oneself [SATIRE]

Not even five minutes in

I walk inside the building, feeling nervous as usual. I hope I don't run into the mean girls who always bully me!

I hope I do. It's always funny to watch them insult me with repetitive comebacks. Makes my day, really. 

You aren't supposed to find this funny! Anyway, I fly through the hallways, rushing past the students who always give me dirty looks. "Why does everybody hate me?" I say as I run past them.

Props to them. I would to, if I'm being honest. 

Suddenly, I crash into a large muscular wall. 

Justice for the wall?

I look up to see that it's the bad boy, Jake! 

Why does the universe hate me

"I-I-I'm so s-sorry J-J-Jake!!" I look up at his 6'7 frame and tremble. I've had a crush on him for so long.. too bad we're enemies..

Boy could slam dunk a giraffe with that height. Also, crush? really? on this demonstration of anger issues?

He rolls his magnificent bonny wine red orbs and pulls his delicious kissers into a scowl.

Someone's been on google.

He pushes me into the lockers, "Watch where you're going, dirty slut whore." He spits at me. I almost cream under his gaze. 

You almost what???

"Listen here you brainless buffoon," He snarls at me and growls, "I'm the bad boy in this school. And you will obey me." 

Bro really just did that

"O-o-ok, J-j-Jake!!" Oh god, he's so hot. Too bad he'll never love me...

You mean thank the universe he'll never love me. Although I feel I won't be thanking the universe for long...

He rolls his scarlet orbs and runs a hand through his jet black inky raven hair, walking away.

You could have just said black.

I've only walked a few more steps when I see Ashley and her group of chicks come towards me. Oh no! They always bully and insult me. They're the mean girls in this school..

You mean they always pathetically try then fail to bully and insult me. 

I look around and see I have no where to run. I'm trapped. I begin to tremble and sweat. Ashley grins maniacally and pushes me into the locker. "Look who it is! the parentless bitch!" Her gang laughs.

Ooh, she went there. "I mean at least my father died and didn't leave like yours." I shrug. "I mean your gorilla equivalent face is enough to make anyone run away."

Her face contorts furiously. She clenches her teeth and raises her hand, almost slapping me when another hand appears and grabs hers.

"Now now, Ashley. Hitting this little cutie will hardly solve anything."

End of chapter two.

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Watch me constantly find fault in this chapter and re-edit it multiple times