The journey to Happiness

There's a learning curve in the land of the living

Rising the next morning, sunlight filtering in through the heavy curtains, painting portraits over embedded muscle, dancing over rising chest and flowing through separated fingers. Jessies phone had been bussing for near an hour, vibrating against the Ikea table, the cork filled board vibrating along with it. Shielding her eyes as she rolled over, Vanessa's strong shoulder blocking most of it, her hand thrown lackadaisical over her hip. 

Pulling her phone into her field of view watching as the notifications continued to pour through. All of them from her teammates in one way or another. A new group chat had been created asking her to join them for brunch the coming day, everyone bickering back and fourth whether someone should host it or to reserve a backroom at a local joint to handle their large group. Magda had reached out on her own, asking how she was feeling after the game, it was sent just over an hour ago. The text that followed asked if she needed them to stop by, how her apartment looked. She responded to Magda first. typing a short response. ' The game was great, I feel good,' blushing slightly as she typed out the message. Vanessa shifting next to her moving to press her body against the fellow countrymen. 'My apartments in good shape, I'm good.' Tapping send before opening her other messages. The group chat titled "Outing?" was still dinging with new notifications, side swiping the chat and setting it to mute. 

Sure she had made the turn for the better, the rage leaving her mind. A commitment of brunch with her teammates on their one off day of the week sounded like prime conditions to reignite the flame. It was a thin line to teeter, between balancing the new relationship and repairing all the bridges she burned. 

Vanessa had muttered once under the coverage of the moon. When they could be themselves under the harsh shadowing and sparsely populated streets "There's a learning curve among the land of the living." She had meant it as a joke. A way to cover up the jokes that didn't land quite right, or the gesture that the veterans found unprofessional. It had become a joke between the two of them. A joke that hadn't been brough up since before Tokyo- before the pandemic. everyone locked in their homes, confined to their yards and screens. Long, lonely nights, and dragging days that all resembled the last. A time when even the motto "Same shit; different shirt." Didn't ring true. It was the same shit in the same shirt from three nights back, the same sweats worn throughout the week. Weeks between loads of laundry rather than days. 

A learning curve amongst the land of the living. Jessie thought back on it. Everything was still different after Tokyo. Its been over a year and the sting remained the same. Sure Vanessa had eased her worries. Having been stuck in the same state since the gold medal match. The world kept spinning, people kept living, and yet nether of them could progress- mentally. Jessie had burned every bridge imaginable, Sinc not reaching out after a loss, Chapman stopped posting childish remarks under Instagram post, the team had seemed to shatter under her anger.

 The locker room in England suffering the same fate. Magda being the only one rebuilding the bridge that Jessie tried so hard to torch. When asked about it she joked that it was easier than building a boat. A comment uttered in frail light as Pernille held her after a particularly bad loss. Everyone but the couple were content with Jessie's need to torch the whole town, light one match and watch it burn like a true arsonist. 

A learning curve amongst the land of the living. A need to fit in to society, to dawn the corporate mask of "I'm fine's" and thin lipped smiles. The need to just get through today and then the next day and the next until the sun doesn't come up and people gather around a pine box, remarking you as a friend, a child, a parent, your accomplishments whether job or pleasure related. It was curve Jessie didn't want to learn. She didn't want to say what everyone wanted to hear yet through years of scolding by her mother to be lady like, and months of her media training  she succumb to the mask, pulling it over her had, securing it around her ears. Just like Covid making everyone revert into shells of people, breaking down communities and a friend groups. Zoom calls didn't do it justice. The small wooden fence surrounding her back yard left her feeling like a prisoner to the sport.