The journey to Happiness

1-the after high of victory.

Here Jessie sat at 23 years old an Olympic gold medallist. After falling short in 2016 she- the Canadians had finally brought it home for their mother land. She stood on the stage with a bright smile on her face. One that didn't reach her eyes. She had been working towards this goal for as long as she could remember. As soon as the last PK was scored she felt this immense high. One that had a faster crash then all drugs combined. Within 10 minutes of celebrating she was numb. Back to the feeling she had been dealing with for the past 3 months. She was now dealing with despair.

That was the downside of being an Olympian. No one ever tells you about the dark side of winning. What was left. She had medaled at the Olympics, world cups, she believes cup, was signed to one of her favorite clubs and had graduated from college. But was left barren inside.She had sold her soul to be a champion.

She stood on the podium with a smile that didn't reach her eyes and thought about her life. The love she had for the game when she was a child had diminished to nothing. Well that wasn't completely true. She felt alive on the pitch but as soon as she stepped off she felt empty. She had ran herself into the ground trying to juggle school and soccer and the national team had ruined her love for the game.

She desperately wanted to feel the love she once felt for the game that raised her. But her time on the pitch drained her identity and left her a nameless-shapeless shell of a person. Everybody had made their rounds to hug the young star with each passing embraced she felt more and more of her humanties leave her. As if on autopilot she shook each hand and passed through interviews without a sparing glance. by the time she walked into the buzzing locker room she just wanted to be home. Back in London Ontario wrapped up in the thickest of blankets with sweats and a hoodie on clutching a cup of coffee to her chest as meaningless tv played in the backround.

that was her happy place, back on the worn-out sectional, the incessant humming of the window unit and the stench of her cleats hanging in the air. It was at these times she wshed to return to the time where no one knew her outside of her town, where the weight of the country didn't fall on her shoulders. When she wasn't in the media about where she would sign or her recent mess up at UCLA. Don't get her wrong she loved playing for UCLA in america, loved even more the fact that she could play with the maple leaf pressed against her heart but it was hard. Being 16 and scouted for the best colleges and playing with the captains armband wrapped tightly around her bicep. It was just a little much now.

For once she was happy she wasn't playing infront of people, she didn't have to worry about the obnoxious cheers and chirps from the stands but the dull, lifeless, soundless stadium also weighed heavy on her heart. She so desperatley wanted this year to end; for the pandemic to never happen, and for her to be back on her mothers couch curled up tightly with a warm mug clutched agaisnt her chest.

"Jess you good?" Bev questions sideling up to the youngster.

"Yeah." The response felt fake leaing her lips. Leaving a mental bitter taste at how soft and vulnerable it came out.

"Well congrats now go celebrate with them, I know you're just dying to do so." she ribbed.

"Umm is there anywhere I can go, like the bus?"

"Yeah. We aren't leaving for another two hours or so go shower up atleast but it is parked right outside the locker room if you want to go on it."

"Thank you." she offered softly, pulling open the heavy locker room door. bypassing all of her slooshed teammates she walked to her locker, peeling back the plastic sheeting and grabbing her post game clothes along with her shower caddy. she showered quickly and B-lined for the bus. she wanted the seat to eat. The hunger nipped at her stomach, the emptiness saddening. Digging through her personal bag she looked for the one off lost-forgotten about protein bar, or bag of oats. Coming up empty handded besides for defelated rasins.

her earbuds tucked deeply in her ears as soft indie rock played on the second to lowest setting as she scrolled through instagram for the first time since she had gotten the confirmation that she was infact going to Tokyo, abandoning her lonely flat in London. It was never a questionr eally about her going to the OLympics. She had wornt he armband a few times since she was 17, a regular call up that had an almost obsolete injury history and a high production rate but still waiting for that call was nerve racking.

She scrolled through instagram finding nothing of intrest before finally decieding to doze off for a few.

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lets see where this goes.