The journey to Happiness

2- the wrong home

Back in London after the Olympics, Jessie can't shake the guilt that sat heavy in the empty stomach. Every time she looked at Magda she felt the guilt that rose with each sorrowful glance. She never wanted to hurt her captain, one of her closest "friends" and yet she did.

She so desperately wanted to apologize but what was she going to say, "sorry your team sucked and mine didn't." Or "hey I'm so sorry I beat you all in the Olympics, if only I missed my Pk?" That just sounded rude. Hours and hours were spent staring mindlessly at the speckling on her ceiling as she pondered on a way to convey her true emotions on the whole fucked up situation.

So training became awkward, team bonding was laced with tension, and everything was just too much. No one knew how to interact with the youngster anymore. Sam tried as hard as she could but when met with nothing more than heavy eyes she stopped, then Nimah tried but Jessie wouldn't even look at her, so the job fell to Magda who couldn't let the young girl run her career into the ground. It was no secret that the Olympics screw up most things in the aftermath. For the first day after the final Magda was mad, furious even but with careful conversation the Dane lead her to peace.

"Hey Jessie..." freckled cheeks stared longingly at the ground. Her boots drag through the browning grass of the practice facility. "Pernille and I wanted to extend the offer of dinner to you. It's totally fine if you already have plans but we wanted to make sure that you are okay after the Olympics and all." Brown eyes strained against the urge to look at her captain but she knew she couldn't. She knew the guilt would flood her, the dull thud that knock her heart out of rhythm every time she saw the Swede.

"No thank you." She muttered desperately. So quiet and soft if they weren't alone on the pitch Magda would surely miss it.

"May I ask why you are turning down the invitation?" Magda was pushing it but she had to get Jessie out of her funk. Her footwork had gone missing, her shooting ability was down in the garbage and her soccer iq was nonexistent now.

"I can't." She chewed her bottom lip and her fingers picked at her cuticles.

"Umm..." Magda stumbled. She never expected Jessie to actually turn her down, sure she expected a little bit of protest but never a full on dismissal. If anything the rejection further ingrained how integral it was to have Jessie over for dinner. With a few steadying breaths, Magda regained her composure and continued on with her pursuit. "As your captain, it is a mandatory meeting."

"Why?" She questioned before wanting to take it back. Why couldn't the earth just swallow her Why did she feel the need to talk back to her captain? Before the last comment pushed past her lips she might've had a chance at getting out of the so-called team meeting, now all hope was to the wind. 

Before her mind could spiral further Magda started speaking, her tone more direct. She wasn't asking this time, heavy pleaded demands quickly filling the space between them. The tension eating away all the air."Because the Olympics left you shaken as it did me after my first. But something happened. Something that is affecting your game and it has raised some concerns. As well as the fact that you don't look at me. At all. So Emma has asked for us to have to sit down. I figured inviting you to dinner would make it less awkward unless you want to stay after in the locker room and have me scold you for an hour until you eventually tell me why you are refusing to look me in the eyes, or talk. So I assume you are free for dinner?"

Jessie could only nod as she dug the toe of her boots into the dirt patch next to the concrete. "Head over about sixish." With a final nod, Magda left her to catch up with Pernille who was long since showered and dressed. 

Jessie couldn't walk into the locker room, Magda would be in there and that would be awkward. If she jogged to catch up to Magda it would be weird since they still weren't technically speaking yet. The only non-awkward approach was to wait for everyone to leave before getting changed.  But she had a dinner where her presence and her presence alone was expected so she didn't want to waste time on something so trivial as who was in the changing rooms. She went with the only obvious answer, Leave now and turn in the dirtied kit tomorrow or stay up tonight after dinner to wash it.