• Echoes •

Until Forever • 9

He cursed. All these emotions - the fury, the guilt, the regret and then the love - he couldn't handle them. He didn't know what to do. He sprang up from the bed. He paced towards the French window of his room. His fingers found the fabric of the curtain. He tugged at it. 

"Anika," he struggled to keep his breath even. "I am...lost. Yet again."

He was. He had walked back into the dark labyrinth of intense emotions once again without enough preparation. But really, the truth was that he was never going to be prepared. The healing that Anika talked about - Shivaay knew that he had to go through all this to process his hurt and earn closure. He just didn't think that it would be so tough. In a few hours, all his wounds had reopened and were bleeding again. 

Shivaay wanted his family to see what they had lost out on. He wanted to feel the glee. He had thought of it as his revenge. 

And well, they all had seen it now. They had seen how content he was with his small family. 

But fuck. Why didn't he feel any happiness on seeing their sadness? Where was the glee he thought he would feel? Why was he feeling bad for them instead? Where was his anger? 

"I..." Shivaay tried to speak. He couldn't articulate any of his thoughts. He shuddered and let himself go quiet. 

He felt a hand on his shoulder. Anika turned him around. She smiled sadly. "It's fine. Calm down, okay?" 

Shivaay suppressed another shudder. Then the words bubbled out of his mouth, "I don't know how to feel or what to do. I am overreacting? Should I forgive them?"

There. He said them finally. The thought had been running in his head since morning but he could say it only now. He scanned Anika's face was anger or surprise but he found understanding. She obviously knew what was going on in his mind. 

"I think," Anika pressed her lips in a thin line. Then she looked at the empty pool. Shivaay followed her and saw Rudra sitting by the pool. "You should talk with Rudra about this. This is about your parents and your family and that is why the decision should only be his and yours."  

*********************************


"Are you okay?" asked Rudra with a worried gaze. 

Shivaay rubbed his forehead. "Well. I can hear you now." 

Rudra nodded. He reached out for Shivaay's hand. "You scared me."

Shivaay snorted. "I scared myself too." 

That made Rudra chuckle. He let out the breath that he was holding. His brother was fine. Everything was fine. For now at least. Partly relieved by it, he let his gaze wander around. He didn't like what he saw. Come to think of it, everything felt strained and empty. The Mansion didn't feel like how he remembered it to be. It had worn out. There were signs. Subtle but they were there. And he was sure, Shivaay had noticed them too. There was a reason Shivaay had panicked. There was a reason why it felt like Shivaay was contemplating forgi...Rudra couldn't dare to complete that thought. 

He deliberately and hurriedly diverted his mind by commenting on the pool. "Why would they empty the pool?" 

Shivaay fiddled with the sleeves of his shirt. "It's expensive to maintain a pool, you know?"

Rudra's heart sank. He knew what Shivaay was talking about. The family was financially struggling. 

After leaving with Shivaay, Rudra wasn't living the rich life anymore. Their status had dwindled to being middle/working class. But there was so much peace and happiness in their daily lives that Rudra loved it that way more. He never itched to have expensive bikes, cars or vacations. He was content in their small house, playing with his nephew and two vacations per year. He couldn't be happier.