𝗧𝗥𝗨𝗦𝗧 𝗠𝗘 ━ 𝗝.𝗚 𝘅 𝗝.𝗪

Ⅰ━ SANITY

Johnnie 

I woke up to the sound of hospital machines all around me. I don't really recall exactly what happened, all that I passed out, I heard my mom screaming and police sounds being made. I was so lost at first, why were there so many people around me? did I finally die?

did I finally die?

wait, that's exactly what happened. 

I overdosed on so many pills from my mom's cabinet, I fell to the floor. Spit and drool crawling like maggots all across my face. But for some strange reason, it felt comforting. Creasing death with its warm arms was something I never wanted more. 

They pumped my chest 7 times. The 6th time I finally regained consciousness. It took me a few more hours to finally adjust to where I was though. 

"M-Mom?" I stuttered on my words, my voice felt so dry. Like sandpaper or something. 

"You're alive! You're alive!" she said hugging me, "Oh, my sweet baby, what have you done to yourself!" Her voice gave me a migraine because of how high-pitched it was. Like a whistle.

Tears pooled down my face as I hugged her back, God. Why couldn't I just die? 

The doctors came in and checked my vitals, they got most of the drugs out of me, but I still had to stay in the hospital for a couple of weeks. It sucked, staying in a white room. I felt like I was going insane without people around. I want to be around people sometimes, but other times I feel so alone that I don't know what to feel. 

"Hello, Johnnie Guilbert yes?" A Doctor came into my room. "Yeah? What's wrong?" I asked sitting up from my hospital bed. 

"I would like to inform you that we are sending you to a psychiatric hospital for a couple of weeks, maybe a month or two depending on how you recover, We will recommend you a therapist to see every day at noon." 

I rolled my eyes. Another mental hospital? How many more fucking times do I need to be sent back there only for them to realize they don't fucking help because I always go back to the same shit. "I hope it's not kings county again 'cause I'm tearing that bitch up," I stated. 

"Yeah, we are not sending you to Kings County again because you had complications with one of the other patients there, what was his name..? Br-" 

"Bryan stars." I finished the sentence for him. I hate when people bring up his dumbass name. 

"Yeah, that. So we are sending you to a different hospital. Paton state, ever heard of it?" The doctor asked me.

"Why do you guys keep sending me to hospitals across the country, I'm depressed but not that depressed." 

"You overdosed on amitriptyline." 

"Your point?" 

"My point is that if you don't get better, I'm sorry kiddo, but we don't know what else to do with you. You're kind of a lost cause." 

That totally didn't make me want to overdose again. Everybody in my life is just slowly failing me. I don't know how to feel about that. I'm just kind of numb to the pain at this point. 

I nodded to him telling him that I'll go, again. My mom packed my stuff and brought it back to the hospital. 

Let's just see what they have in store for me.