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Important chapter!
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Author~
Jungwon was currently home alone. Waiting for when his boyfriend would come back from work. He didn't enjoy being alone due to his anxiety, but after a while of Jay working from home and being stressed, Jungwon told him he didn't mind as much anymore.
He felt like he was holding him back a little and he didn't like that at all. He was in the middle of healing still, so there was ups and downs in his mood and mindset.
He still had flashbacks of things he never wished to remember again. But somehow, hearing Jays heartbroken voice and sobs hurt the worst, even more than the physical pain he went through.
And he still noticed how his friends do still act normal around him, but there are times he realize they don't do certain things or talk about certain things around him, they stopped making harsh jokes to him, and when he's too quiet they got worried although they tried not to show it.
He wasn't as severely depressed, but it was kinda still there. He doesn't think about taking his life anymore, he promised he would never try or think about it again after realizing how much he hurt people, and especially how he endangered Jays life that night as well.
He lets out a sigh as he wiped the tears that suddenly started to fall. And he felt even worse because now, Jay isn't able to have a more sexual relationship with him, Jungwon always got nervous about it now, and even when he didn't, Jay never let it get to far since he's obviously keeping in mind what Jungwon went through.
Jungwon basically was becoming afraid of Jay leaving him one day because he isn't as bold as he used to be, not as cheerful, and especially not as social.
There been news articles that Jungwon has seen about people that find Jay attractive, and how they feel bad for Jay because he's dating someone like Jungwon.
They said he was too crazy, suicidal, depressed, anxious and a bunch of other stuff. But what made Jungwon the most upset, is when someone said Jay risked his life to save someone as trashy and replaceable as he was.
He wasn't special or one of a kind, he was just a suicidal freak who murdered another freak.
The only reason it hurt, was because he already didn't feel like he was good enough to be called Jays lover or boyfriend. He didn't feel worthy enough for Jay to tell him he loved him. Jay could do better, better than someone like him.
Jungwon really didn't like that he could never tell what was going on with Jay either, he couldn't know if he was actually satisfied with him or not despite how much Jay said he made him happy.
It was just hard for Jungwon to believe due to his own trauma he couldn't get over. It's not that he didn't trust Jay, he just was making up excuses as to why he wasn't good enough for Jay to be with.
Because in his opinion he wasn't.
Because he didn't feel like listening to his stupid thoughts anymore, he cuddles into bed underneath the covers, ignoring how he was missing Jays body being there with him to make him warmer, without that he was kind of cold.
***
Time skip: 2 hours later
When coming into his home, first thing Jay noticed was how quiet it was. Yes, usually Jungwon is quiet normally, but he didn't hear any clatter or small music, slight singing or any tv, nothing.
So he figured he fell asleep as he goes upstairs. And like he thought, as he entered the room, the younger man was asleep, cuddling against his big pink stuffed bear Jay bought him a bit ago.
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My escape| Jaywon
Fanfiction"Have you ever kissed a boy?" This one sentence is the start of a lot of feelings between Jungwon and Jay. The start of a friends with benefits relationship, as well as a place of comfort when needed. An escape. This story takes place during Blesse...
