My escape| Jaywon

11. FOUND OUT

"I want to feel something deeper
that hurts almost as much as
my emotions."
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-Unknown-
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Warning!: Self harm/ depression/ blood 🩸/ suicide attempt

Guys please leave comments!! I'm loosing motivation for this book because there's really no positive feedback, I don't usually care for votes but at least give me a nice amount of comments when you can please!!

Also please skip this chapter if needed! I put a warning before any extreme actions or descriptions but if you'd rather skip I'd advise you too!

Author

Jungwon was once again feeling down and useless. Jay was currently at the store getting groceries, leaving Jungwon alone with his overwhelming thoughts.

He was ok with being alone, in fact he told Jay he could go, because at first he told Jungwon he should come too but he wanted to stay.

And Jay was going to just stay with him and go another day but Jungwon told him it was fine so he left and said he'd be back quick.

Jungwon hated himself, his skin always felt dirty, he felt disgusting, he hated it. He felt weak and useless even though his mom made him do taekwondo so he could protect himself in the first place and he still failed, he was a failure.

He tries not to resort to his bad habit so instead he tried to think of things that made him happy, his new friends, his mom, he liked puppies but doesn't have one yet, clothes, food, Jays kisses, Jays hugs, Jay words, Jays smile, Jays playfulness...... just Jay.

He smiles softly at his on thoughts starting to feel better as he starts to watch tv as he waits for Jay to come back. About 8 minutes later Jungwon starts to feel down again.

It's always like this, he feels better for a few minutes before he starts to beat himself up again. He hated being like this, why couldn't he be more accepting of himself?

Soon he was crying just a little as he thought about how he wished he was someone else, not in his current body, why couldn't he been born into a better version of his family, why'd he have to be the one who had to deal with this.

As he thought about it more and more as to why things were happening to him the more defeated, empty and useless he felt.

Like a crab without a shell. He felt so lost and he hated it. He tried to pull himself away from his thoughts but it didn't work this time.

Warning!!: SH AND ATTEMPT STARTS HERE SKIP IF UNCOMFTY!!

He takes the phone case off his phone before grabbing the blade and quickly pulling it across his skin for a sense of release, and then he did another, and another, the stinging only lasting for a quick few seconds and he didn't like that, why didn't it last longer?

He made up his mind that the blade was too small to cut any deeper like he wanted. So he placed it back in the phone case and placed his phone back in it before going into the bathroom.

The cold tiled floor of the bathroom sent a chill down his spine because he wore nothing on his feet. He walks further in before opening the wooden drawer and searching for the pocket knife he saw in there once when he saw Jay use it to cut something off his shoe.