Start All Over × Luke Hemmings

I Was Born Ready.

"Vanessa?" I heard Lindsey's voice, I looked up from the random article I was reading put it down and followed her into her office room thing I sat down on a big comfy chair and she sat at the one across from me. "It's been awhile! I was quite shocked but intrigued when I seen you on my list for today. What's up?" She asked. "It has! I've been having bad dreams." I say. "What's happening in these dreams?" She asked. "Well in one my Dad he kidnapped Luke and beat him up and drugged him and then he kidnapped me and hurt me as well and then Luke died but then I woke up!" "Have you and Luke been fighting or had a misunderstanding lately?" "Yes! Another girl kissed him and I was upset about it. But we talked and we're good now." I say. "What was the other dream?" "I was looking in a mirror and then I slit my wrists and cut all over my stomach and I was lying on the floor crying but then I woke up again." I say. "Have you had urges lately?" She asks. "Yes!" I confess. "These are very normal nightmares to have considering the trauma you went through with your father and your past with self-harm! When did they start?" So I wasn't going crazy. "Um not last night but the night before I had the dream about my Dad and then yesterday I fell asleep on Luke's couch and had the other one." I say. "Was anybody asleep with you at the time?" "No! I was alone." "I think negative thought trigger when you're alone and I think having regular sleepovers with people you trust or even just getting a dog to sleep with you would ease the amount of nightmares. Do you have nightmares when Luke's around?" Sounds sensible and doable considering it was the school holidays. I thought for a minute there was that one time ages ago. "Only once but that was awhile ago." I say. "What about with Hannah around?" "Nope!" "Yeah! I think your brain gets negative if you're not around somebody you trust which causes you to have these nightmares." "Is that easily fixed?" I ask. "Well really all you can do is stay with people or get people to stay with you at least twice a week and think as positive as possible before going to sleep do you remember what you were doing before falling asleep?" "I had visited Mum that day and I had a fight with Luke." I say. "That would explain it! Before going to sleep try to flood yourself with bad memories or negative thoughts." She suggests. "Okay!" "What did you do last night you're so happy and full of energy today?" "I was texting Luke and I was talking to Jess and then I fell asleep listening to my favourite band." I say. "Try doing that every night! But switch friends so you're not completely depended on that one person because your friends and music make you very happy." "Sounds pretty straight forward!" I say. "Now, how was your visit with you Mum?" "Loads of tears but it felt good to tell her everything." "Was it a run away kind of act." "Yep! I had just finished yelling at Luke so I ran away and I ended up there it took me awhile to actually sit down in front of her stone but after I did I was there for a few hours." "I think visiting her regularly is a great idea for you, even if nothing bad has happened that you want to talk about just go and tell her about how you went to the park or something it will be good for you yes it'll be difficult at times but worth it." She explains. "I was going to start going once a week if I can!" I say. "That's great! How'd you get home after?" "Well, I was sitting there and a guy came up to me and asked if I was okay and it was actually Brodie he gave me his hoodie because it was freezing and walked me home." "Brodie's your ex-boyfriend correct?" "Yes!" "Lovely guy! Anything else you would like to talk about?" She asks. "I've been feeling like giving up lately and but I've accepted the fact it's not an option because of Jake but would it be suitable to get something related to Jake or Jake tattooed on my body preferably my wrist or hands to keep that reminder?" I ask. "I'm very proud of you for accepting that! I think that would be a brilliant idea I think also something to do with your Mum you always mention that you want to make her proud." She suggests. "That's genius!" I say. "Talk to Jake maybe about some tattoo ideas." "I think I will, can a 17 year old get tattoos?" I ask. "I think so! Ask Anne first though but I'm sure she'll love the idea. Oh and happy birthday for Thursday." "Thank you! Ahh, I'm so excited!" I say. "You've defiantly got to show me when you get them done." "Of course!" I say excitedly, I've always wanted tattoos but I always said they had to have meaning and these ones do. We carried on chatting about a few different things before the hour was up. "I'll see you again soon?" She asked. "I think I'll come weekly just to vent!" I say. "Great idea!" She say's and we walk out of her office, I wave goodbye to her and Jane and jump into my car.