Random stuff

Depressing stuff

A/N: TW: Death, angst, suicidal thoughts, eating disorder,  smoking addiction, and language. Okay. Hey again. before I start writing. a quick sorry. i'm very sorry for what happens in the end, and very sorry if you start crying. Also this is based off the song You're On Your Own Kid by Taylor Swift. I just felt like writing angst so...um. here. please don't hate me.

I walk into the room wearing a dark purple gown, with a gold waistband. I hated it, but I had to wear it. I would be recognized if I didn't. I breath carefully, taking in the fancy scenery.

There were glass chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, and everyone was either wearing a gown, more the woman, or tuxedos, more the men. I didn't belong here. They were rich and fancy and I was just... me. Simple. Well, not simple but you understand.

That's when he caught my eye. My "brother". I hated calling him that. He didn't deserve the title. His name was Phobos. And his mission in life? To kill me. Our mother sent him. AKA, creation itself. I hated her almost as much as she hated me, but at least I had a good reason. She hated me because I was more powerful than her. She could only create. Nothing else. Me? Anything. I could shift reality itself. 

I tried to stay away from him. It was hard, almost as if he was everywhere I turned. Which wouldn't surprise me if it was actually true. He could make illusions. They came in handy sometimes, for him at least. Not for me.

He was standing there, right in front of me, and I knew this was real.

"Hello, dear sister." He says, his voice raspy but smooth. Shit. 

"Hello there. How are you? Wanting to kill me again?" I spit, not looking him in the eye. 

"Shut up." He growls, and that's when I realized. He was smoking. You're fucking kidding me. I try to leave, he grabs my arm and presses me against the wall, making it look casual. 

"If you don't want your ass beaten right here and now, I'd advise letting me go." I growl through gritted teeth. He glares at me. Then bends down and whispers in my ear.

"We'll finish this later." He pauses for a minute. "Bitch." He scoffs and storms off, probably to flirt with more girls. 

But then, my breath hitched when I saw the most beautiful girl ever, walking towards me. She had a shimmering black gown and her hair tied up in a bun. Her makeup was dark, but so so pretty. She had thin black glasses that reflected light, making her look like a literal angel. 

She's the only person who keeps me here. Alive. Otherwise, well. I wouldn't be standing here right now.

I end up leaving without even thinking. I put on some headphones and blast music, sliding to the floor well leaning against the building that I was just in. 

After, what feels like an hour, I go back inside, just to get slammed against the wall again. 

"Hey." Of course. It's Phobos again. I try so hard not to roll my eyes. "It's later." That's when I feel it, just the light pressure of metal against my gut. Fuck. He was once again, trying to kill me.

"Is this just a hobby of yours?" I ask sarcastically. He glares and I feel the blade press closer to my skin. 

"I would recommend shutting up." I can feel his breath on my face. Then that's it. I snap.

I shove him away. Not caring that I'm making a scene. 

"YOU FUCKING LOVE MAKING ME HATE YOU DON'T YOU!?" I yell. My vision blurs from anger. "I ESCAPE EACH AND EVERY TIME YOU TRY TO KILL ME YET YOU KEEP COMING BACK WHICH I DON'T UNDERSTAND! I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU TRUST HER! WHAT YOU HAVE AGAINST ME! WE USED TO BE FRIENDS REMEMBER?! THAN I GOT MORE POWERFUL AND YOU FOLLOWED HER LIKE THE MOMMY'S BOY YOU ARE!" I knew people were staring. Especially Emma. She had never seen me like this before. "YOU NEVER CARED DID YOU!? NEVER! I-" Suddenly everything stops.

I blink, seeing a younger me running around. I stare in horror. I know what this means. I can't move, and I can't speak. But I can think and I know that she's taken over. The person in my head. Who hates me even more than my mother. She takes over whenever I get to out of control, and bad things always happen. 

I watch the memories. Running through sprinklers, sitting near the fire place, me fighting him well crying. The parties I hosted. All the times I turned away food, just so I could be skinnier, mine and Emma's first kiss, which I smiled at. The jokes he used to make that made me cringe, me running away with something important. And some of my old friends trying to comfort me well I cried.

I suddenly woke up, trying to take in my surroundings. A shiver runs down my spine at the sight of the room. And me. My gown was soaked with blood. No. No no no. This can't be happening. Everyone in the room is lying on the floor in giant pools of blood. My head whips around, looking for one person in particular. My eyes land on one body. 

No. No. My head spins, and all I can picture is the fire of anger burning inside me. I take a small step forward. And another. Again until I reach the body. I felt the bracelet on my wrist that I made with someone special. All I could taste in my mouth was lead. 

I could hear two voices in my head. 

You've got no reason to be afraid. It whispers.

Then the other: You're on your own kid.

The first: You can face this.

You're on your own kid. YOU ALWAYS HAVE BEEN. The second is so much louder and piercing. I can't stop the tears. I sob over her body.

She was gone. And it was my fault. 

What reason do I have to stay here any longer? I should just let him get rid of me. I'm really tempted to. 

Because Emma was dead. And it was because of me.

A/N: I apologize again. I've been wanting to write this for a while and just never got around to it so... um. please don't hate me.