Wait For You (Noah Sebastian)

Chapter 17

"Hell yeah!" Jolly shouted downstairs, loud enough to distrupt our moment of bliss and causing us to break apart. We were both breathing heavily. A small smile appearing on Noah's lips. I moved to lie by his side.

"I...I" I began, but I had no idea what to say. This is not the way I'd planned for things to go at all. I began to panic, realisation kicking in again.

"It's ok" Noah said, reassuringly, seeming to sense my panic.

"I never want to lose you, Noah." It was true, having a stupid crush on him was one thing...one thing I was starting to admit to myself. However, acting on it, kissing him again, and especially when we're sober...this was an even bigger step that could ruin everything.

"Me too, Lili" he sighed. He shuffled closer to me and wrapped me in his arms. "I'm not going anywhere, though," he added.

"We shouldn't be doing this" I whispered. "Whatever this is"

"Why not?"

"I don't want to mess up our friendship but... maybe it's too late for that" I wondered. There was no forgetting the moments between us. Thinking back to our friendship a year ago, things were completely different now. Tonight had also proven I couldn't ignore whatever feelings I had as easily as I thought. Trying to date someone else was not going to work and trying to be 'normal' with Noah was not a possibility. But could it even be anything more?

"It won't if we don't let it" Noah said confidently. "I really just want to be there for you Lili, whatever you feel, I will accept... first and foremost, you will always be one of my best friends"

"I'm scared about whatever this is, I just know I care about you a lot, Noah"

"I care about you too, so much" Noah kissed my head. I let all feelings of fear melt away momentarily, enjoying the feeling of being in his arms.

We stayed like that for some time before we finally sat up. Noah turned off his TV and laughed. "Well, I guess I'm never winning that stupid game"

"Not even when you cheat" I laughed.

"Maybe I should cheat more often if it means I get to do this..." he grinned before slowly leaning in and placing a soft kiss on my lips.

"What do we do now?" I asked, looking down at my hands, starting to feel a little nervous again. I was still trying to process everything.

"I don't want to push you into anything if you're not ready. But I need you to know...I like you... more than just a friend" Noah admitted, and my heart skipped a beat hearing him say that. Noah Sebastian likes me.

"You do?" I asked quietly.

"I really do" Noah confirmed.

"I think... I think I've known for a while that I've started to see you differently. I just didn't want to admit it to myself" I started to explain honestly.

"I knew you were jealous of the 'mystery girl'!" Noah teased.

"Shut up" I laughed and hit him playfully.

"Funny, you were jealous of yourself though since you are the girl" he chuckled.

"I really thought there might be someone else you hadn't told me about"

"Nope... just you" he placed his hand over mine. "And if I'm honest, I was scared too. I didn't want you to freak out or to push you away"
 
"I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship Noah, and I don't want to hurt you....I don't want to lead you on. And you deserve better than me" I explained, my mind racing with worry about all the things that could go wrong. "You could have anyone you wanted..."

"Hey" he said, gently tilting my chin, forcing me to look into those dark eyes. "You are perfect, please don't say that, you are the best, there is no one better. And I will wait for you, I will give you time, distance, whatever you need. " I managed to nod in response. He was being so thoughtful and considerate of how hard and scary this all was for me. "Please just let me show you how much you mean to me, that's all I ask. I want a chance to show you how you deserve to be treated. I also want to take you out again, just us, if you'll let me?" Noah asked.

"Like a date?" I questioned. Noah looked slightly nervous, it was obvious he was choosing his words carefully, not wanting to say the wrong things or push me too far. It was like he thought at any minute I would just run away again, like the last time we kissed. Part of me wanted to, but there was something keeping me there.

"Like whatever you want" Noah said.

"I'll let you...but can we not tell anyone about...whatever this is. At least not for now" I asked, and pointed between the two of us.

"Of course" he agreed.

"The last thing we need is them on our case" I said, referring to the others who we could still hear laughing downstairs.

"It stays between us" he confirmed, nodding.

Noah and I spent a few more minutes cuddling before we decided to go back and join the others. As worried as I was, I couldn't deny the feeling that washed over me every time Noah's gaze met mine and the small smiles we'd exchange whilst sitting across from one another. Maybe this would work out...

By the time I arrived home that night, Noah had already messaged me with information on when he would be picking me up. I couldn't wait to be alone with him again, I just had to find a way to keep it from Emma. I knew she would quiz me if she saw me going out, especially dressed nicely. Once again, I felt guilty for keeping all of this from her. I knew she'd be happy about it and cheering us on, but that was the problem, I couldn't have anyone getting overly excited or interfering. The more people that know, the more real it becomes, the more impact it will have if it goes badly...I wished I didn't think negatively all the time, but I felt like I had to be prepared for every possible outcome. Keeping this between Noah and I for now would be for the best.