everything is fine.

7-Bruna/Neymar

i woke up with arms wrapped around me, the smell of his cologne filling my lungs.  didn't realize how much i missed that smell until it was next to me again. hes warm. his skin is just as soft as i remember, maybe softer. he feels good. and as much as i dont want to admit to myself, or him, he feels right. somehow, being pregnant hurt less this morning.

'neymar.' i grumble, raking my hands through his hair.

'...you're awake...' he grumbles back.

'you're shoes better not be on my bed.' i scold with a smirk.

'my shirt isn't even on your bed.' he says, outdoing my smirk.

i turn over to face him. im met with the sight of his tattoos, and those gorgeous eyes. i hate that my eyes ar glued for his chest for so long, and i surely hate the fact i havent pushed his arms off of me yet.

'you seem pleased to see me shirtless.' he says smugly.

'oh, please.' i say, rolling my eyes.

'you havent pushed me off of you yet, either.' what the fuck is he, a mind reader? he clearly sees the fact he says something right, and snickers.

i roll my eyes, 'my arms dont work properly for another 15 minutes' i say. a decent coverup, i hope.

'sounds like hell.'

'this whole pregnant thing is hell. whats your point?'

im met with silence. fuck.

'im sorry.' he whispers, looking away from me.

'i'll believe it when i see it.' i retort. 'now help me up. make me something to eat, too, fuck boy.'

he rolls his eyes, 'i hate that nickname.'

'you dont hate me.' 

'of course i dont.' he says, getting out of bed and walking over to my side. swiftly, he picks me up bridal style carrying me to the kitchen.

'you didn't have to do all that' i say as he puts me down.

'are you kidding? i havent done enough for you.' damn right you havent.

'you should go. practice today, right?'

he nods, 'i could skip if you-'

'no, dont. go.' i say. besides my better instinct i have to push him away. i cant forgive him for what he did, what he said. i cant. hes a good guy, but, before he says anything real to me i cant just let him back in.

neymar

i know what shes doing. i would do it too. i fucked her over. got her pregnant then screamed at her. it took me 2 months after i deserted her to realize i was a different man around her than i had ever been with anyone else. i was a better man. so much for being a better man if i was just going to push her aside like everyone ive ever loved. i cant do that to her, it hurts to do that to her. but, im not going to force her to feel anything for me again. it will only hurt more. i dont know what i feel for her, i just know its different. and goddamnit its strong.

it digs its claws into my heart everytime i wake up and i dont meet her gorgeous eyes; everytime i think about the child i so urgently abandoned; everytime i see her face somewhere. i hurt her and im paying the price. and god knows i cant bare this debt any longer. its selfish. im selfish. but fuck, im gonna put that aside and care for this woman. i have to win her back.

i used to think every woman that fell for me needed me. but now i know i was wrong:

i need her.

everything will be fine.

everything is fine.