Jake and Johnnie

Taking That Step (part 1)

Hi beautiful peep-ul I know its been a couple of days. I've been going through a thing. um see last chapter. TW RN cause i was really down like i was this close to reaching for a small metal object in my medicine cabinet BUT i didn't! because im being strong and im trying to cheer myself up cause GUESS WHAT its my birthday on the 21st! yay! im going to knotts berry farm and I am going to eat all the boysenberry festival food.   Not only that! but Jake Webber dropped ANGEL and like wow! then Johnnie Guilbert is dropping HOLLYWOOD! like best birthday right! anyway..... 

TW!! for this chapter! sexual assault! Disassociation! Manipulation! Toxic people! 

Enjoy~

Johnnie POV:

Everything has been so crazy. My Digital Escape is breaking up. People are leaving. Everyone is leaving. I'm huddled in my room right now after Bryan had us record that video. Alex left right after. What's going to happen now? Is my youtube career over? Will Bryan let me continue my own channel? Would anyone watch? What would I create anyway? Do I have to leave? Where will I go? I feel my breathing become labored as I start to hyperventilate. My hands shake and grab at my hair. 

Fuck. a panic attack now!

A sob escapes my throat as anger rolls off me. Why can't I just be normal!?

There's a knock at my door. I suck in a breath trying to speak, but my voice comes out shaky.

"L-leave me alone pl-please" I shouted at the closed door. The knocker disregards my message and the door opens revealing Bryan, his blond bush of hair is fucked entirely.

"Johnnie?"

"Go away" I wave my hand at him. Again he doesn't listen walking in the room closing the door behind him. I turn my body away from and press closer to the wall. I feel him sit next to me, his hip pressed against mine. I hug my knees tighter, thankful for my long hair that obscures my vision. I feel his arm snake around my shoulders and he pulls me towards him. His hand held the side of my face pushing me to his shoulder. I bite my lip just wanting him to leave me alone.

"Don't worry Johnnie, just think of this as a new era! We can make a channel for just us. And we'll get so many views!" anger whips through me again and I look up at him.

"I don't want a channel with you Bryan!" I try pulling myself up off him, but his grip hardens keeping me in place. His voice drops as he stares into my eyes.

"Johnnie I let you live here with me, gave you everything and now you wanna throw that away? What will you do without me? No one even knew your name until I showed up. I'm the one who got you into all those cool places and let you meet all your favorite people. You want to give that all up? Why? Because your little girlfriend and the rest of them don't like where my channel was going? Then fine leave. Throw my kindness back in my face. Tell me I'm the piece of shit for putting a roof over your head, for believing in you when no else would or ever will. You are nothing without me johnnie, and you know that."

My body shakes with each word. They cut into me like knives. He's right. I'm being selfish, when I should be grateful for what he's done. I'm being an asshole because of everyone else's perspectives. But...

I feel his other hand slide onto my thigh rubbing his thumb in circles.

"Don't worry Johnnie will get through this. Together." I shutter not wanting him near me. I push away from him and try taking another breath. Anger flashes across his face as I stand up. His hand reaches out faster then I can react as he snatches my wrist pulling me down on top of him. My knees hit the floor between his open legs, my other hand catching me before I can hit his chest right next to him. "Where are you going? You've got nowhere to go Johnnie "I hiccup feeling another sob building up inside of me. The words he says are true. With our face inches apart I can feel his breath.