Owning Her Features

Chapter 21

Victorious

I once had a dilemma regarding which friends were genuine or not.

I grew up with many of whom I believed would connect with me after leaving elementary school. We spent nine whole years going through the same hardships, joys, and terrors. We were almost inseparable—unbreakable. Each was a constant in the other's life, and our families inevitably rode the tide.

But then we grew older, over the point of welcoming new people who actually tested our trust. That's when the constant became spiteful and insufferable. When you're facing them, it's the pleasant familiarity; when your back is turned... you never know what bullets will hit you. You just know there will be.

Kaya hindi ko man pinagmamalaki ay nahasa ako sa plastikan. I would attend school prepared for the hidden glances and laughters laced with ridicule, and return home parched from biting down all confrontational tendencies, or eager to pry the negative remarks out of one of them.

Masokista. Mas kaya kong sikmurain noon na aware ako sa mga binibitiwan nilang salita laban sa'kin kaysa piliing maging ignorante kahit halatang-halata ko namang pinagkakaisahan ako. I didn't expect them to hold some grudge or beef with me, because I wasn't doing anything wrong.

Ayon pala, sawa na silang ako raw palagi ang mataas. Ang first rank. Ang leader. Na entitled ako pero walang common sense. They criticized my chapped lips. The way I walk. My speaking voice. Any of which, in my defense, isn't supposed to be my fault. Pinaghirapan ko ang mga titulong tinuring nilang unfair, eh. Give chance to others? Why not bring the effort themselves instead of holding me liable?

Saka inaano ba sila ng dry lips ko? Pinahahamak ba sila ng lakad ko? How do I even walk? Paano ba ako magsalita?

By the last day of sixth grade, I realized how weird and immature and amusingly shallow were it all.

Still, of course, it took a toll on my young spirit. I may have gotten lucky when I met my current friends, yet I'd often dealt with brittle security along the past years.

Gaya ng siguro... hindi ko sila natatrato nang mabuti? Na hindi ako 'yung tipo ng kaibigang deserve maramdamang pinahahalagahan mo siya. 'Yung kaibigang hindi mo ipagpapalit sa iba. I was only a friend in its most objective sense.

Nobody's favorite.

So when I heard the twenty-fifth confession and whose secret it was, I came to the resolve that I would... stay. Kahit bilang kaibigan lang. Kahit masasaktan ako. Kahit gustong-gusto ko nang hilingin kay Eren mismo... kung puwede ko bang abutin ang kamay niya. Kahit gusto kong protektahan ang lugar ko sa buhay niya at magbaka sakaling may ilalapit pa.

I don't want him to hate me, either.

"Okay, let me read... 'I promise I'll be good. I don't want you to hate me.'"

You hate me, Scintilla?

My heart stirred.

"Aba, Cliospectrum, ha..." our adviser snickered. "Stephanie? The mic is yours."

Suminghap ako at akmang tataasan ng kilay si Eren dahil talagang nagkatugma sila sa parteng 'yon. Pero hindi ko naituloy nang madatnan siyang inaabangan ang paglingon ko, nakahalukipkip at umangat ang sulok ng mga labi. He grimaced faintly.

Kumunot ang aking noo. "Bakit?"

"That's mine," tinakpan nito ang kalahating mukha bago tipid na natawa.

What the hell... does he mean...

Umawang ang bibig ko. "Seryoso? Whoa... Kaya pala—" I paused, my eyes narrowed.