IN LOVE'S EMBRACE

CHAPTER 32: A BROKEN PERSON CAN'T LOVE PROPERLY

"The shattering of heart when being broken is the loudest quiet ever"—
Carroll Bryant

•••

JOHN PIERCE

My phone buzzed against my chest, jolting me awake. I groaned and glanced at the messages popping in. With a slight hiss, I threw it against the bed and rolled onto my stomach.

My eyes were now wide open and going back to sleep proved to be a difficulty, I wasn't surprised though. If sleep was a drug then I had definitely been abusing it.

In an attempt to escape reality, it was my only resort. It normally would have been alcohol but each time I beheld a bottle, I could never bring myself to take even a sip of it. There was always some sort of conviction within me, I knew it had to do with her.

It had officially been a week since I last saw nor heard from her. I could lie and say I never went after her because she told me not to, but then I'd only be in denial. I didn't want to see her, I didn't want to see the hurt in her eyes, I didn't want to see the tears i had caused and i most especially couldn't bare to see the hatred I caused to bloom in her.

My life had always been a mess but I kept living it, now I didn't see the point. Without her, the world was blank and dull, I never realized how huge of an impact she made or how dependent I was on her. The saying was true, you never know the value of what you have until you lose it.

I rose to my feet in nothing but my underwear. I couldn't recall the last time I wore clothes nor took a bath, it all seemed frivolous now. I was contented laying in bed all day, replaying the event of that day in my head and wishing it turned out differently.

I was never one for tears, the only time I ever cried was the day I lost my mom. Now, I've been doing it a whole lot. No day passed that I didn't shed a tear, I was weak, she made me weak, broke down my defenses and i didn't mind. She was so in touch with the inner workings of emotions and always knew the right words to say, that I couldn't help but lower my guards for her.

Losing her broke a part of me and I was actively trying hard to ignore it.

My phone buzzed again and the screen lit up. I glanced at it in hope, but it was dashed the moment I saw the name Matthias boldly displayed on it. I walked out of the room leaving the phone behind.

I hadn't spoken to my friends after that day. They called, texted, even showed up at my house to check up on me, but I continually ignored them. I wasn't mad or anything, I just needed time alone for as long as possible.

We were currently done with the semester and were given a month's holiday, so I fortunately didn't have to leave the house for anything. Shred had moved back home to spend time with his family and Matt went along with Jason to his grandma's place. I was glad they gave me space, but I couldn't deny the fact that I felt alone.

About two days ago, I folded and bombarded Alaine's phone with multiple messages. Hearing her voice could practically break me more than I already was, so I decided against calling her.

She read the messages and responded by blocking me. I chuckled bitterly at the memory, if I needed any more proof on how much I had hurt her, it was served to me on a golden platter.

I had cried to the point where I wasn't sure I could produce anymore tears. I was numb now, nothing seemed to move me anymore, not even the thought of her.

I sighed and shook my head.

The house was slowly beginning to suffocate me, so I decided to go out for some fresh air for the first time in a long while. I got into the bathroom and hurriedly took my bath. I was out as quickly as I entered and espied my reflection in the mirror, the moment I walked into my bedroom.