Splatoon 2
Callie: There is no future. there is no past. do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet.
Marie:
Pearl:
:
Everyone Else At Callie's Surprise Birthday Party:
Marie: All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.
Callie: You know those things will kill you, right?
Marie, pouring another glass of whiskey: That's the point.
Pearl, smoking a cigarette: We're trying to speed up the process.
Marina: *Nods while eating raw cookie dough*
*Callie's helping Marie out after they get injured, while the others are watching*
Pearl: How does Marie look?
Marina: A little better than you, actually.
Maria: Why are your tongues purple?
Pearl: We had slushies. I had a blue one.
Marina: I had a red one.
Maria: oh
Marie:
Marie: OH
Marie:
Callie: You drank each other's slushies?
Splatoon 3
Callie: You kidnapped Marie? That's illegal!
Frye: But Callie, what's more illegal? Briefly inconveniencing Marie, or destroying our dreams?
Callie: Kidnapping Marie, Frye!!!
Shiver: Callie, listen, whatever I may think of you right now- these guys are counting on you to inspire them!
Callie: What, to kidnap people?!?!
Shiver: To work together!
Callie: TO KIDNAP PEOPLE?!?!?!?!
Big Man: Callie, we all agreed a celebrity is a not a people.
Callie: I'm an idiot.
Marie:
Frye:
Shiver:
Big Man:
Callie:
Marie: If you're waiting for us to disagree, this is going to be a long day.
Callie: You're a loose cannon, Marie.
Marie: No, I'm not. I'm a cannon maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?
Frye: I think you play by your own rules.
Shiver: No way, they think rules were made to be broken.
Callie: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.
Marie: No, I'm just a reckless renegade. is a loose cannon.
Big Man: *smashes a chair*
Splatoon 3 Side Order
*The squad is talking about what it'd be like to open up a homemade Pokemon gym*
Pearl Drone, joking: Marina's just sitting at the end, juggling- fushigi-ing 2 glass balls, in super tight pants, just waiting for their kid delivery once they best their minions.
Marina: Well they would be Pokeballs. And also it's not a kid delivery. There's no fucking guarantee that a kid that comes into the beginning of my crucible makes it to the end of it undefeated.
Marina: In fact, I'm gonna stack this gym! With fuckin pros!
Marina: It's- It's gonna be brutal. It's gonna be a torture gym.
Acht: Well- Well what's the theme? Are you like- is it a bug theme, or like-
Marina: YEAH, ACHT. UH- UH- UH- UH YEAH ACHT. IM GONNA OPEN UP A BUG TYPE POKEMON GYM. YOU IDIOT.
Marina: YEAH THAT'S WHAT I WANT, BECAUSE I WANNA GIVE- I WANNA SHIT OUT BADGES FOR EVERY HAM AND EGGER THAT COMES TO MY FRONT DOOR.
Pearl Drone: *Cracking up*
Marina: YEAH, ACHT. 'Uhh, go Caterpie! >~>' That's me, you FUCKING imbecile. 'Yeah go- uhhh- d-do your best, Kakuna!'
Marina: WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING TALKING ABOU- Yeah a ~bug type~ gym.
Acht:
Pearl Drone: Okaaay-
Acht: Alright, um, I'm gonna go. I've embarrassed myself...
Pearl Drone: Maybe fire? Fire type?
Acht: Yeah fire-based? Like- have fires?Marina: Yeah, yeah I'll probably just- That's a good idea Pearl Drone I'll probably just do a fire type one... SO THAT ONE KID WITH ONE BLASTOISE CAN FUCK UP MY WHOLE SHOP.
Marina: KILLED ALL OF US WITH ONE BLASTOISE, HUH? WOW. SHIT I SHOULD'VE-
Acht: Just do rock, then! Just do rock type!
Marina, voice dripping with contempt: The same Blastoise...
Pearl Drone, driving Marina and Acht: So how was your day?
Marina: We almost got surprise adopted!
Pearl Drone: What?
Acht: We almost got kidnapped.
Pearl Drone: Oh, okay.
Pearl Drone: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!
Marina: Norwegia. Is. Not. A. COUNTRY!
Pearl Drone: Then where are Norwegian people from!?
Acht: NORWAY!!
Pearl Drone: I'm gonna eat the chicken breasts!
Acht, snickering: Yeah, eat what you lack.
Marina, deadpanning at Acht: Then maybe I should order brains on delivery for you.
Pearl Drone, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe?
Marina: Yeah, sure.
*A few minutes later*
Marina: Here you go.
Pearl Drone:
Marina:
Acht: Why am I here?
Marina: Why is everyone so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I'd just be excited to have a bunk bed.
Pearl Drone:
Pearl Drone: I'm gonna tell them.
Acht: Don't you dare.
Pearl Drone: So, are you two friends?
Marina: Yes.
Acht: No. (A/N I love how that question was actually canon in the game 💀)
Acht: When you work at lush and a customer comes in and bites the soap because they think it's cheese... this happens way more frequently than you think.
Marina: If you stopped literally presenting soap as deli food this wouldn't happen.
Acht: Who goes into a bath store and thinks something covered in glitter is cheese?
Pearl Drone: Who goes to the store and just takes a bite from the cheese?
Pearl Drone: Without ugly, there would be no beauty in this world.
Marina: Thank you for your sacrifice, Acht.
*Pearl Drone rushes by with an armful of water bottles*
Acht: What's going on?
Marina: Pearl Drone wouldn't drink water.
Acht: ...And?
Marina: And I asked them how fast they could chug an entire bottle.
Pearl Drone, loudly: 16 OUNCES IN TEN SECONDS, BITCHES!
Pearl Drone: You bought a taco?
Marina: Yes.
Pearl Drone: From the same truck that hit Acht?!
Marina, with a mouthful of taco: Well, me starving ain't gonna help them.
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HumorIngredients Butter (½ cup) 2 eggs Sugar (one cup) Cocoa powder (⅓ cup) Vanilla extract (2 tablespoon) Flour (½ cup) How to make it 1. Preheat: Preheat the oven to 180 degrees. 2. Start mixing: Start your brownies by mixing sugar and butter in a bowl...
