THE STRANDED

[13] Things Only I Know

You're so secretive and that's what I don't like
I just want you to be truthful, That's what I like
I did what you want, I didn't tell every overthinking there is
Can you even tell what I want is?

I want you to think all of those times
I think about those for the longest time
Thinking we're still together and we still rhyme
It's on time that I realize we no longer shine

One time, Three days in a row
You pay me a visit every time the sun gets low
I held the drink you gave me as I watch you go
Everything seems right, I hoped all of it isn't just for a show

One time, You waited for me to finish a practice
Watched me as I became other's apprentice
The hours and hours that we missed
Were replaced by my kiss

One time, You bought me a medecine because I'm sick
We sat by the side, Got approached by kids
I was continuously getting hics
I never thought that of me, You'll get sick

One time, We got to a long drive
I kissed your cheek, It all was live
Held your hand, Made you my hive
It was such a windy and cold ride

One time, We walked from end to end
Glances and stares is what I proceeded to send
I can't hold your hand because we were with Jasmine
My Father noticed us and it's a win-win

Then one time, I opened up about Kiel
You made me feel that I'm delusional and crazy as hell
You got mad at me for getting mad at you
That's because I felt unheard because of you

One time, You silenced me over the thing I found out
You silenced me because I found your second account
I told you "I just want to at least know"
You kept on forcing my hurt to fade and go

One time, You promised you'll never get me hurt
That you'll never let me sleep with a heavy heart
But then you silence me whenever I want to be heard
You hear me, But when it's about us, I'm unheard

One time, You made me read a conversation

But you deleted some messages in a swift motion
All because you think I'll get mad
Instead, I overthinked the hell of out it, It was far from mad

One time, I got mad on what you confessed
I appreciate that you trusted me enough to confess
You said "So you don't get mad, I won't confess"
That's what I did not appreciate about that confess

I'm wondering now is that everything's off
What other things I do not know of?
I'm getting the energy that something's off
What other lies did you tell me of?

Maybe I'm acting reckless and worried
Giving meaning to things there's nothing to worry
Maybe I'm overreacting and reckless
Overthinking about things that are meaningless

You always let me be on what I decide
You always tell me "You decide"
You always give me the decisions
Did you ever ask if I want to be the decision?

I was crying stalking each of it
Seeing The friends list of all of it
Filled with other men and shit
I was crying figuring out if I'm being a shit

I was crying through cars
Walking my way home, Feeling like I'm behind bars
I was crying through inner wars
I almost got hit because of a car that parks

Crying inside the cubicles to calm myself down
I was feeling so down
Crying inside these jackets to calm myself down
I was wearing a frown feeling so down

Crying while reading the book that supposed to cheer me
A book that a friend gave me
Crying while knowing that sometimes it's me
It's me who sometimes causes the problems, Me

The more you let me be
The more I'm withdrawn
The more you keep things from me
The longer the lines get drawn

I kept saying to myself that it was my fault
When I have every reason to create a fault
I kept saying to myself to apologize
Why do I always get to apologize?

Now that I ended the cool off
Something still feels off
You don't even tell me about those two accounts
Those two accounts you're hiding off

I say "I love you"
You say nothing back
I say "I love you" again
You say nothing back again

How could you do that?
Didn't we create the future plans with each other?
How could you be that?
Didn't you way you're nothing like the other?

Puppies and Kittens
Didn't we plan to become fur parents?
Dreams and Future
Together, We planned the future

I told my Sister about the cool off
Hoping that She'll still understand me with some info off
My Sister said "That's unfair"
That's because I didn't say everything to her

I will be on the right if I told her about things I only know
But I was worried that I might destroy your image to her
She sees you so good, It's so good to know
But I was worried I might rust your image to her

So I took the "unfair" title
Because I didn't want people to see you in other angle
That's why I took the "crazy" title
Because I want them to see only the perfect angle

I kept the things only I know
And watch as you drift off and go
I kept the things only I cried of
And watch you as you look fine and go off

Even with the last bit of care left
Even with the pain devouring me, Leaving nothing left
I put you first, My self love was left
Even with the heart filled with pain, I failed to, And I left

You're just like Brad
You didn't even say anything after I got mad
You're just like Brad
You didn't even try when I got mad

I understand that you may be speechless
About what I said and may even make you feel less
But If you really care, You will care to share
But you remained silent, Making me feel like you don't care

If you ever want to look back
Look at the Anthology I wrote solely for you, front to back
If you ever want to get back
Look back, And keep looking back

With our paths different now
I still wish for you success now
Leaving what we all built now
I'll still remember the greatness of you as I vow