The Black Knight of Ashfern

Chapter 31

For all the months, William had hoped to hear such words, or rather, to say such and have her answer with a yes or some equally pleasing affirmation. Now, as she knelt before him, staring up at him, all William could see was the redness of her eyes, the puffing of her cheeks, and the damp streaks that stained them.

He had caused these things by making her tell him of the girl she had been before coming to Ashfern. Making her remember and speak those memories aloud to him. He was thankful she had told him, angry it had taken the bastard's reappearance in her life to make her, and vengeful for what had been done to her, all by a man who claimed to love her. Now William understood her hesitance to love.

Cupping her cheek, he leaned forward and softly kissed the tip of her nose, forehead, and lips before pulling away and meeting her steady gaze. "This is no reflection on you or all that you hold me, my Love. Pray believe that if you'll hear nothing else I've to say. But no." He shook his head firmly. "I will not permit you to share my bed now, tonight, or any other time for the foreseeable future." He leaned back, taking in the full bafflement of her being as she remained on the floor before him. "I said once, not long ago, that you have been grieving for eight years. Yet, after hearing your tale and seeing your reaction to it. I cannot help but wonder if perhaps you have only started to grieve." William explained, watching the stunned confusion that warped Nan's features as she pulled away from him, at him as though he had just slapped her.

"I offer myself to you, and you think it...What? I don't understand this reason you give." She bit, shaking her head at him, utterly perplexed by his refusal. "Started to grieve?" She repeated in skeptical anger.

With a sigh, William turned his head from her, placing his hand in his palm for a moment before dragging his hand down his face and looking back at her. "I wonder if you offer yourself out of some misplaced gratitude." Knowing his words were wrong, he winced as he watched her features morph from confusion to anger.

"Gratitude?" she repeated haltingly, her stare turning from stunned confusion to full-blown anger. "You think my offer was given out of gratitude? Why on God's green earth would I thank you for making me recall the very thing that broke me?" she asked her tone as brutal and unforgiving as a winter wind—lashing against William's being with the same cold discomfort. "The very thing that killed me. If I were to thank you for anything, it would be Jamie." She snapped. "For offering your name to him." She rose, gathering up her dress as she stood before him, her stern glare pressing down on him. "But you're right Sir, I should thank you." She remarked suddenly, causing William's brow to furrow at her sudden change in attitude. A feeling of something not being right making his spine stiffen. "For being kind enough to stop my foolishness...before I further misconstrued your opinion of me as a woman capable of knowing her own mind. And not a weak simpering girl unable to decipher her emotions. It is very kind of you to not take advantage of an ignorant child. Very gallant." She spat. Turning abruptly she marched to the door of her room, flung it open, and stomped out.

Rolling his eyes with an exasperated growl, William rubbed at his face a moment, recalling sourly how he knew he would come to regret his choice, and now he thoroughly did. Oddly, at that moment, William longed for the Black Knight's single-mindedness and not Sir William's unending thoughts. Sir William had thought and spoken and sent Nan from the room in a fury. The Black Knight would not have done such. He would have grabbed her and kissed her and been far rougher with her than he would have meant to be. But he would have had her, would have sated her, and would have done such until neither could think or move.

With that sweetly agonizing thought, William roughly pushed up and out of his seat, sending it flying back on its hind legs before promptly falling to the floor on its back. The oddity of the motion caused William to pause, only long enough to look at what he had done and then turn back to go after her.