Because Of You I Shine | DaouOffroad

I

In the dimly lit room of their modest home, Offroad's parents' voices rose in a heated argument, their words echoing off the worn walls.

It was 1981, a time when society's views on homosexuality were far from accepting. Offroad, trembling in his room, clutched his pillow tightly to his chest, tears streaming down his cheeks.

[In 1981 Thailand, societal attitudes towards homosexuality were marked by conservatism and intolerance. The prevailing cultural norms placed a heavy emphasis on traditional gender roles and expectations, leaving little room for deviation. Behaviors that challenged traditional notions of masculinity, such as experimenting with makeup or engaging in activities typically associated with the opposite gender, were met with suspicion and disapproval]

His father's accusation cut through the air like a knife. "You made him turn out like this," he shouted at Offroad's mother, his voice filled with frustration and blame. "You raised him without discipline, and now he has turned into a fucking faggot, you see how he doesn't see anything wrong with that?!"

Offroad's mother, her face etched with pain, tried to defend herself. "What have you done for our son?" she cried. "You never spent time with him, always glued to that television. And now you blame me because he didn't grow up to be a 'handsome young boy with a girlfriend'?"

The argument seemed to stretch on endlessly, each accusation driving a deeper wedge between them. In the midst of the chaos, Offroad couldn't bear it any longer. With a heavy heart, he rose from his bed, his movements slow and deliberate.

Opening the door to his room, Offroad stood before his parents, his eyes red and swollen from crying. He felt a surge of emotion, a mixture of pain and anger, welling up inside him. Without a word, he turned away from them, slipping on his shoes and fleeing into the pouring rain before they could make a sound.

As Offroad ran through the streets, the rain pounding against his skin, he couldn't shake the feeling of betrayal that lingered in the air. It wasn't just his parents' words that hurt; it was the realization that they couldn't accept him for who he was, it was the way they couldn't be the same after knowing their son doesn't exceed their expectations.

As Offroad grappled with the aftermath of his family's discovery, a sense of profound loss and isolation washed over him. The realization that his true self had been laid bare before his parents filled him with a deep sense of shame and vulnerability. He couldn't deny the truth of their accusations, couldn't escape the reality of their disappointment and rejection. The simple acts of self-expression that had once brought him joy - applying makeup, painting his nails - now served as damning evidence of his perceived deviation from their societal norms.

The thought of returning to the comfortable familiarity of his family life seemed impossible now, tainted by the knowledge that he could never truly be accepted for who he was. The rift between them felt insurmountable, a gaping chasm that threatened to swallow him whole. How could he bridge the divide when the very essence of his being was met with such disdain?

As Offroad grappled with these feelings of alienation and despair, a sense of resignation settled over him. He knew that he could never go back to the way things were, could never recapture the innocence of his pre-discovery existence.

Lost in his thoughts, Offroad found himself standing in front of an old temple, its weathered facade a silent witness to centuries of human struggle. Seeking refuge from the storm both outside and within, he stepped inside, the scent of incense filling his senses.

Alone in the temple, Offroad sank to his knees, the weight of his emotions threatening to overwhelm him. Offroad's cries echoed off the ancient walls, his desperation palpable in the darkness of the night. As he sank more to his knees, his voice cracked with anguish, pleading for release from the turmoil consuming him, "Take it away, take this illness away, please, please!" He begged.