The Shackles Of Affection | Male Warship | Azur Lane

Chapter 30 | Protector

---Location Australia, The Northern Beaches---

---May 16th---

---Matthews Point Of View---

Sitting atop a folding chair, watching out as I watched... Yeah I guess they are mine now huh? . . . I watched over my kids playing around in the sand and shallow waters. I'd forbid them from trying to go into water any deeper than waist level. I'm not yet sure if Banckert can still swim with a missing arm, or more rather, I don't want to see her struggling to swim, it would down her mood again. An I don't think my heart could take watching her get sad again. Splashing each other, and playing arbitrary games like tag through the shallow water. Their innocent little children at heart. I glance over towards my right, parents, children, teenagers, old folk, all carrying on with their lives, enjoying their time on the beach. I stare directly, and rather intently at a family of four. Young Mother, a young father... And their son and daughter, all making a small little sand castle together... as a family. It painfully reminds me again and again! I'm Illy suited to father these innocent souls. I have no experience, up to now! I've been living my life back home under the assumption that I'd NEVER become a father!

That I'd live out the rest of my life hooting and hollering with my friends as I watched them grow families in front me. Where I'd inevitably become that cool laid-back uncle for their children, and that would be the closest I ever got to parenting. I've matured a lot since this war has begun, sure. But I'm far from mature enough to give children a proper living experience. Not to mention I bring no mother figure to the table who could make up for my massive, short comings as a father... Every morning since I accepted them into my arms as my own, I cry, I cry because I'm scared that I won't be enough for them. I know so little about them, but I know enough to tell you they deserve the world, a world better of a father than I am. They've been through far too much and deserve the best. And I am just not that right now... But... For whatever reason, they choose me to guide them. An I be damn if I deny them that right. Never in my life, have I ever backed down, or second guessed a fight, but this will be and has been my first.

"You look concerned" her voice spoke, walking, standing over my right. I don't look unto Fortune, sure I was surprised she just randomly graced me with her presence! OUT OF THE BLUE if you asked me. But I was having a moment. So, I didn't express it too much. "I'm Scared" I admit, as she continued to stare out at them with me, remaining on her feet. "Of?" "Failing" That answer seemed to put her in silence for a few seconds, as she sat down atop the folding chair beside me, facing toward me. "I get the feeling you mean the junior's" I nod, this fear of failure did not pertain to war, to life, or anything else. Silence. We stay silent, as she and I stared out, and watched my children cheer and carry on, smiles on their faces... Precious smiles. Smile's I'd trade the world for. "I assume it's your first time?" I nod, answering her question, smiling gently. Turning towards me, she places a hand on my knee, gently shaking it to get my attention onto her. I look over unto her, that confident smile told stories of how I was doing so far. "You're doing a good job... Don't discredit and cut yourself down. You're doing more than some do for their own blood." She assures me. I closed my eyes, sitting back in my seat, for a moment or so, my body relaxed, not being so tensed.

"I remember you saying I was a bit different from Iron Sides.... What did you mean by that?" I ask, changing the subject to our last interaction. "Don't take it the wrong way! But your old man was a real piece of work back in his younger days!" She answered rubbing the back of her head as she continued. "I expected you to be an almost mirror image. I don't want to go to deep into detail, but to call him arrogant and ignorant, is to only scratch the surface. Now what I will say is at least YOU actually know what a woman wants to hear when your flirting with her. That's more than I can say for him." She explained, choosing not to go any further, and honestly choosing not to answer the question! The answer will always reside inside her mind I suppose. I chuckled at her skirting and skating around the question like it was mine sweeper. I choose not to press further on that as a result. Recognizing her choosing to keep it to herself.