𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐄 || ʜᴀɴ sᴇᴏᴊᴜɴ

ˏˋ18*➷ 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐔𝐬

╰┈➤ ❝ [ I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you ]❞

THE FIRST TIME KIM JI-AN HAD SEEN Lee Su-ho experiencing a panic attack, was the day Se-yeon's funeral was held. Five days after his death, five days after everyone's world fell apart. Nothing could've prepared Kim Ji-an for the day that funeral took place. Even the days prior to it had taken a toll on her. Lee Su-ho filled with guilt, had claimed he wouldn't attend his best friend's funeral, and Ji-an knew she had to do everything but allow that to happen. She knew his guilt was heavy, but heavier would be the burden on his heart at the memory of not attending that burial.

Everything that could've been done she did. The girl kept nagging Su-ho, not caring if the boy hated her or got tired of her for it, and after days and nights of convincing, just the day before, he agreed to go. The news made her cry that night in relief, because it made her feel useful. In a situation like that, the least thing you feel is power, in fact, you feel the complete opposite of it. Hopelessness is one of them. Hopelessness in what your present has brought you, and hopelessness on what your future would turn into.

Ji-an can still remember the weather that day, it was such a contrast to the storm of emotions inside all of them. It was a sunny day, the sky couldn't have been more clear and bluer, the flowers had blossomed and were in its peak of glory, the air was warm and fresh, not foggy, like the thoughts clouding their minds. It was rather ironic.

That day everyone was enjoying the beauty of nature. It had rained for consecutive days, and that day in particular the weather had finally cleared up. While the world moved on with its days and everyone continued with their lives, three teenagers barely felt the joy in waking up. Kim Ji-an would easily describe that day as the worst day in her life, apart from the day Se-yeon died.

There was more people in that burial than they would've liked to. Something that should've been private, was filled with too many people that didn't know the real Se-yeon. They were just there because he was famous and his death had left a big impact. On the other hand, the cries of Se-yeon's family still haunted Ji-an. He had left them too soon, and the pain of losing a son was like no other. Kim Ji-an couldn't bring herself to cry because she wanted to be strong for Su-ho, after all, she was the only person he had left.

Lee Su-ho was too numb at the moment to show any other emotion apart from a single tear he harshly wiped away, and Han Seo-jun was too deep in his sorrow to even spare a glance at them, because in that moment out of the three of them, Seo-jun had been the one that had cried the most. Han Seo-jun, usually the one to put up the front of a tough guy, was the one most broken.

Once Se-yeon's casket was underground, Lee Su-ho was the first to leave the place. It had taken Ji-an by surprise, and she quickly followed after him wanting to know he was okay first before letting him have his own space. Su-ho was overwhelmed, and her following him made him snap, ending in a one sided yelling match. But, once he was done and his mind cleared up a bit and his brain processed the way he had made his girlfriend flinch and hide her tears, it was when he fell along with the facade.