The Conflicts Of Heart (MxGxM)

44. How do you do it?

The main song of this chapter is "Set fire to the rain" by Adele.

Amelia

Is it possible that you want to kiss and kill someone at the same time? Cause that urge is growing so deep within me.

Since the start of tutoring Mr. Rizzo has been in a terribly bad mood. The reason? Unknown.

First it was about me answering one question wrong out of 37 questions he gave me in homework. I admit that he had a reason to be mad about it, but mad enough to be on the verge of yelling? 

"What don't you understand?! It is literally so easy. You have to find the acceleration of this car, then using the third formula of newton you have to find it's direction and then add first answer with the second and there you have your answer. What was difficult in it?!", he yelled, rubbing a hand over his face in a frustrated manner.

He pinched the bridge over his nose and heaved a sharp exhale.

I flinched back from the sheer anger in his voice. I put my hand under the table to stop them from shaking badly. I know that it was unnecessary, that he would never hurt me. But all I have learned from my father in my 20 years of existence is to never trust a man. 

Sure he would not hurt me. But for how long? 

"S-sir, I don't understand h-how to obtain the acceleration", I mumbled out, my head bowed down.

"Are you stupid?!", he said indicuriously. His eyes were glaring sharply into mine. I dug my nails into my palm to stop them from shaking so badly. When the coppery taste of blood filled my mouth, then I realized that I was biting the inside of my cheek so ruthlessly that it started to bleed.

"ARE. YOU. STUPID?!", He nothing but roared out and this time I tightly shut my eyes to prevent the moisture gathering behind my close lids from spilling out. Mostly because I did not want to open my eyes and see another version of my dad.

I knew that it wasn't a rhetorical question, "N-no sir.", I stuttered out. My vision blurred from the oncoming tear. My throat painfully constricted from the effort to not cry out right there and then.

"Then how are you so incapable of solving a sum which is easy for even a highschooler?", there it was. A painful jab in my already bruised ego and self confidence. 

I knew that I wasn't the brightest pupil in the class, but hearing him call me stupid in more than one ways hurt beyond words. I should have said that I was too busy cleaning up after my parents, that I was too busy doing three jobs to earn money for my necessities. The money which did not even go to my account, but rather spent in my mother's drugs, father's alcohol and my sister's shopping sprees. 

Excuses right? 

"I d-don't know", I said between my hiccups. The tears hanging pitifully by the lashes.

"This isn't some joke here Ms. Blackwood. It's university where you study FOR FREE, taking it for granted is the last thing on your mind. The board members aren't so generous that they will let a scholarship kid stay on the campus with the money going from their pockets just so the kid can leg behind in the studies", he said calmly, though his words whirled in my mind like a hurricane.

Is that what he thought of me? That I took my studie and future for granted? 

"I am trying sir", I whispered out in the quietness, it was more for me than him. "I am trying and I will keep trying sir", I repeated once more.

"Well try harder Ms. Blackwood. Now, solve that sum", he said pointing at a question in my textbook. He turned his attention towards his laptop perched on his desk, his glasses resting on his nose. In any other situation I would have found it mind blowingly handsome, hell I still do. But from the inside I am just temporarily numb.