DESIRE ☆ KIMCHAY AU

♧5. Post Killing ♧

"Hey, hey, Kim... shh... Kim... what happened? What happened?" Chay's voice sounds like it's coming from somewhere far away even though Kim knows that Chay is right here in his embrace.

Chay is in Kim's embrace...

Kim quickly steps away from Chay, apologising, "I'm so-sorry. That wasn't professional of me... I shouldn't—"

Chay grabs Kim's face and makes Kim look right at him, "what happened, Kim?" Chay's eyes slide a little lower from Kim's face, checking for anything that can give him some answer for what could have happened. And when his eyes go just a little bit lower, he clenches his jaw and asks Kim again, this time more urgently, "what the hell happened, Kimhan? Why are there fucking marks on your neck?"

Kim's tears collide with Chay's fingers as he continues holding Kim's face, looking worried right at him.

"I... killed him," Kim repeats. "The... the man that stabbed you."

"What?" Chay breathes out in surprise, but then he looks back at Kim's neck. He gulps down his anger and asks another question, "did that fucker attack you?"

"I didn't want to kill him," Kim whispers.

"Hey, hey, big boy," Chay wipes away Kim's tears, "it's okay, it's okay... tell me, did he attack you?"

After a couple of seconds, Kim nods, "he pushed me to the wall and... and started choking me. But I didn't want to kill him. I just didn't know what to do. I—"

"It was self-defence, Kim," Chay pulls Kim back into his arms and hugs him. Chay guessed already that despite being from the mafia family, Kim most likely never killed anyone, especially considering that his not being okay with killing people was exactly why he got disowned by his family. So, he understands that must be a big shock for Kim especially when on top of it all, that fucker Lee almost killed him as well. So, he forgets any distance between them that he has been trying to keep since he saw Kim for the first time and just lets Kim cry in his arms hopefully slowly calming down.

The more Kim is calming down the more he is aware of the position he is in. Chay's naked skin is hot, spreading the warmth all over him. Chay's well-defined muscles and strong arms hold Kim close in a way that makes him feel like he is welcome in them. Like what he is doing is entirely normal and he shouldn't feel like he is crossing some kind of invisible line that shouldn't be crossed. Kim realises with his heart beating fast and his mind a mess that Chay's touch makes him feel safe. Makes him feel like none of what happened downstairs really happened even though Kim knows that it did. But somehow, when Chay holds him close, it all doesn't seem so world-shattering.

But... Kim shouldn't be showing so much of his weak side to Chay. What will Chay think about him, seeing Kim crumbling down because of one bad day? Kim wants to be strong and tough. Wants to be enough for his work. Wants to show Chay that he is trying and that Chay isn't wasting his time helping Kim to get better.

Panic starts to creep into Kim's heart. What if p'Chay already thinks that Kim is too weak? What if the moment Kim calms down, he is going to be told that he isn't suitable for the position of bouncer and he'll be fired? What if he'll be once again helpless and without any money to go by? And what if he won't be able to see Chay again? At least not so frequently? What if—"

"I think that it would be better if you stay here tonight," Chay's breath caresses Kim's ear as he says, still hugging Kim. "I'll go find you some clothes so you can take a shower. Is that okay?"

Kim slowly pulls away from the hug, even though he doesn't want to, and looks at Chay surprised, "I can stay here? You aren't mad? I didn't want to look so weak. I—"