I couldn’t move for much longer. The bitter cold bit at my noes, my fingers, and my toes. The harsh wind blew snow in my face, and I staggered. The snow was nearly at my knees now, and I could no longer feel my feet. My fingers were starting to peel, much longer and I would have black fingers, the final stage of frost bite. I staggered again and fell into the snow, my face pressed into the cold soft piles of fresh snow. I was tired, maybe it was better if I just died.
My life was never worth anything to begin with, my mother died when I was born, and my father hates me. It was for good reason though, I don’t hate my father. I took away everything he loved, his wife, his dignity, and his money. In all reality I was indeed a burden, a worthless waste of air. That’s why I left, I knew how much he despised me, he ignored me, glared at me in the hallways, and never once gifted me anything for my birthday. I wanted him to live with so much more joy, I knew that the only way for him to be happy was for me to disappear.
I knew it was snowing, so I put on my snow boots, and my make shift scarf mother had made me before she died. I slipped my arms through the tattered sleeves of my old jacket that I had been gifted by a cousin. I didn’t have money, but I thought that maybe someone would let me do their housework in turn for a place to stay. I hadn’t expected it be so cold, but I had already gone to far to go back.
The air smelt like flowers, and my back was warm. I could feel my fingers again, and I stretched them out feeling relaxed. I was in a field filled with flowers as far as the eye could see. It seemed like every flower was a different color, some were colors I had never seen before. The sky was bright, filled by the warm welcoming sun. It made me wonder why this place was so much more colorful than my life.
My stomach rumbled, and I remembered that the last meal I ate was 2 days ago when father had been kind enough to spare me some of his leftover food. Just as I had been thinking about food, a tree appeared in the corner of my eyesight. It was a tree with the reddest apples I had ever seen, they were large and plump, and I tried to remember the last time I had eaten an apple. Carefully, I stood on the tips of my toes and reached out for the largest one I could see. I tugged on the apple, but it wouldn't come off of the branch. Confused, I tried grabbing a different one, but that one too, would not give.
I heard a rustle in the flowers behind me, and when I turned to look, a large deer stared back. This deer didn’t look quite right, its eyes were a bit too lifeless, and it’s limbs a little too long. This deer was not scared when I saw it, in fact, it didn’t move at all. I approached the deer, slowly, but surely. I was scared of the deer, but it was not scared of me. When I reached my hand out to it, it blinked and ran in the opposite direction. I yelped in surprise, yanking my hand back quickly.
I turned around towards the apple tree, only to find that there was nothing. I walked towards where the base of the tree had been, and found only a cluster of red flowers. I turned around again, and saw the deer, staring at me. I stepped back in surprise, it was several feet away from where it had been just a while ago. It did not blink, I don’t think it even took a breath, it just waited, with those soulless eyes.
I walked towards it, inching closer. It wasn’t until I was a couple of inches away from it did it run. This time I watched it, and after a couple of feet it stopped, and looked back at me. I walked faster, following it, and eventually both me and the deer were running. I didn’t know where this deer was taking me, but nothing else was around except for flowers.
We arrived to a place akin to a paradise. There were no flowers here, just a clearing of grass, surrounded by fruit bearing trees. Next to the trees was a crystal clear brook, with mossy rocks poking out of it. I remembered my hunger from earlier the moment I saw the fruit, and reached for one. The deer watched me with those soulless eyes, and I wondered if I should grab one for it as well. This time, the tree allowed me to take it’s fruit, and I grabbed 2 ripe apples.
I rolled the apple over to the deer, but it did not take it’s eyes off of me. After an awkward moment, I bit into the apple. It was incredibly juicy and the best thing I had ever eaten. I devoured the apple and looked over at the deer. It bent down to eat the apple, but when it’s jaw opened, it had predator teeth. I was horrified as it’s thick sharp teeth crunched through the deliciously juicy apple flesh. Some of the juice dripped down it’s chin and it licked it away with it’s large tongue.
When it finished eating the apple, core and all, it looked at me. I was terrified of it, deer didn’t have teeth that look like that. My dad had brought home a deer carcass once, after a long day of hunting. I watched the butcher slit it’s stomach to let the blood drip out, and then take out it’s organs. It’s mouth had hung open, full of dull flat teeth, and it’s eyes just as lifeless as the deer in front of me.
The deer didn’t notice, or didn’t care, about my sudden terror. Instead, it took it’s eyes off of me to walk away. It walked out of the clearing, but this time it did not wait for me. I blinked and the deer was gone, almost as if it were a figure of my imagination. I suddenly was parched, it felt like my tongue had become a dry sponge, yearning for water. I kneeled at the brook, and as I was about to dip my hands into the water, I realized something strange. I did not see myself.
I stood up, this was not right, I shouldn't be here. “Where are you going?” a disembodied voice asked me. I was scared to turn around, I knew what would be there, it’s always been there. I turned, the deer looked at me with the same expression it always had, but it seemed a bit more distorted, no longer deer like. There were no emotions in the deer's eyes, nor in it’s face, but it’s voice was powerful. “Is this place not good enough for you?” It’s voice was angry. The trees around it were wilting, and the grass was turning brown.
“You’ll be happy here, you can have anything you want! I even prepared these special trees for you, but look what you’ve done.” It was unnerving, hearing the disembodied voice coming from the emotionless deer. “Don’t leave me, I’ll be so lonely. You’re not awful like your father are you? Are you going to kill me?”
I ran. With every step I took, the flowers around me wilted. My legs burned, but fear fueled me. I didn’t know where to go, but I had to get away. My lungs started to ache, and then burn. My head felt light, and I feared I might pass out. I turned to see if it was chasing me, and I saw the horrifying deer running after me, with its mouth open, and blood pouring out of it’s stomach. I stumbled slightly and remembered that I had to keep running. I started to feel cold, the sun was no longer out. The wind whipped my face harshly. I had to keep running. My fingers hurt, my noes hurt, my lungs hurt, everything hurt.
I fell, coughing harshly. I couldn’t breath, but adrenaline kept my heart pounding. I turned around, but I no longer saw wilting flowers and a dark sky. I was sitting in a pile of snow, but just a few inches ahead of me was the warm paradise, covered in beautiful fresh flowers. The deer was at the edge of it. Blood was streaming out of it’s eyes and belly, staining the beautiful golden flowers underneath it. “Are you really not staying?” Asked the deer in a very frightful tone, like it was about to be abandoned.
“I don’t belong here, Mrs. Deer, and neither do you.” I paused, “It’s not your fault Mrs. Deer, it was no ones fault.” The deer stopped bleeding, it no longer looked like an imitation of a deer, but a real one. When it looked at him, it’s eyes held so much life, fear, love, hatred, loneliness, and most of all, happiness. Something only the living could feel. The deer turned around and bolted, jumping into the forest that had appeared behind it.
When I woke up, I was in a hospital. My hands and feet were covered in bandages and I was in pain. I smiled, I some what liked being alive.
