all too well - Theodore Nott

chapter 14

Selene tried to wrap her mind around what Pomfrey was saying, "What do you mean you do not have the answers?"
"I mean," Pomfrey said slowly, "that you need to go see a professional at Saint Mungos. Something is wrong with you, Selene, and I, by myself, cannot figure it out."
Selene opened her mouth, then closed it again. "Is it life-threatening?"
"I wish I knew more, dear, but I have never seen anything like it. Dumbledore has contacted your mother. She will meet you in Hogsmead this weekend to take you."
"Okay," she said quietly, the shock starting to set in. She turned without saying anything else and walked out of the hospital wing. Her legs shook slightly, and so did her chin, as panic began to take hold of her. Was she going to die? She told herself that that was the worst outcome, but it was getting more and more believable the more she was left alone with her thoughts.

Selene's knee bounced up and down as she sat in the waiting room after the tests had been taken and they were waiting for the results. The sound of the ret of Sain Mungos was muffled by the door, leaving them in complete silence. Her mother sat next to her, fingers pressed to her forehead, looking even more nervous than Selene. Selene felt too restless to continue to sit, so she jumped up and began pacing the room back and forth. She began chewing on her nails, trying to tell herself that she would be okay.
There was a knock at the door, and Selene stopped, her heart jumping into her throat. She glanced at her mother, who had sat up straighter, staring at the door. It swung open, and an older lady in the steriotypical green robes of Healers walked in. There was a crease between her eyebrows as she looked at me, and I found it hard to breathe because the pity in her eyes was so evident that Selene almost fell to her knees right there.
"You may want to take a seat, Ms. Parkinson." Her voice was kind and motherly, but she did little to put Selene at ease.
She slowly made her way back to her seat and shakily sat down, trying to wipe her sweaty palms on her jeans. Her mother reached across and grabbed her hand, holding it tight.
"There is no easy way to say this because no one has seen this situation for thousands of years. It dates back to Hogwarts founding."
"Is it life-threatening?" Her mother burst out, and Selene took a sharp breath in, turning her attention back to the Healer.
"No."
Selene let all the air in her out at once, a smile pulling at the corners of her lips. She turned to look at her mother, who had closed her eyes, as a single tear rolled down her face. Her lips were pursed into a small smile.
"But there is something really wrong with you, Ms. Parkinson."
She felt the relief start to drain out of her as she tilted her head at the healer. Her mother's hand gripped her again.
"There has been a blood curse put on you. It is very old, and I am not sure how the people who did it to you knew about it, but it is irreversible."
Her mother's hand went slack in her grip, and she let out a quiet whimper. She pulled her hand from her grip and buried her head in her hands. She knew who had put it on Selene without a second thought. There is only one family that could have done it. Her own.
"What?" Selene cleared her throat. "What is the curse?"
The healer shifted uncomfortably, and the unrest in Selene grew stronger. "You will not be able to bear children. The curse's purpose is to stop your bloodline from carrying on."
And just like that, everything went silent. The noise of Saint Mungos, the ticking of a clock on the wall, and the heartbeat that was just beating in her ears had gone out, like someone had flipped a switch.
Ever since she was a child, she would carry around a small doll that she would defend to anyone who dared argue with her, insisting it was real. She would change its clothes after sleeping and feed it spoonfuls of nothing, changing its clean diaper. She could not wait to have a child of her own. To grow something inside of her and then push it out where its life could finally begin. She could not wait to have that connection with somebody. A connection that only comes between a mother and a child that she would hold inside of her until it was ready to live. She had always understood people not wanting kids, but no matter how much Annie complained about her siblings and swore off children forever, nothing could put Selene off of it.
Suddenly, Selene wished that it would have been life-threatening. She pressed a hand to her mouth as tears broke from her eyes. She fell against the wall, her shoulder shaking from sobs. She took her other hand and laid it on her stomach, like something was there. But the thing was, nothing was there, and nothing would ever be there. She felt as if she had lost something really important. It was as though she had lost a child that she never had. She could feel her heart crack in the middle and begin to shatter into a million pieces. Her mom reached over and pulled Selene into her, holding her tight. She heard her ask the healer something that she would later find out to be about her sickness, which she would apparently be having a lot of because the curse had effects like that. She was crying too hard to care about any of that. All she could think about was the child she would never be able to bring into the world. So she sobbed until she felt sick to her stomach and had no energy to get up.

"Parkinson." Professor Sinistra's voice seemed to boom across the astronomy tower. "See me after class, please."
Selene nodded nervously, packing up her telescope. The rest of the students slowly filed out of the tower, and Selene quietly waited as Sinistra put all of the charts they completed for homework in a neat pile.
It was already a couple of weeks into the new school year. A couple weeks since Selene found out the news that she had been refusing to think about ever since. Selene had been helping the Quidditch team, which surprisingly boosted her mood. She had fully thrown herself into it and school. When she wasn't studying, she was at practice. When she wasn't at practice, she was studying.
Things with Umbridge had gotten progressively worse. She seemed to have a strong distaste for Selene. It was most likely a combination of all the questions she asked about werewolves when they first met and the argument that they had on the first day of school.
Sinistra turned to Selene with a smile and said, "Selene, I have seen from Professor Flitwick that you are available for tutoring a student."
"Oh," she said, slightly relieved that she was not in trouble. "Yes, ma'am."
"Well, I have a student that is struggling in one of my classes. Are you available to help them? Or has another professor already snagged your help?"
"Yes, of course I can help. I am managing the Quidditch team, but I can work around practice."
"That's great because I already signed you up for it." She smiled kindly. "Your first meeting will be this evening around five. Is that okay?"
"Yeah, that's totally fine with me."

Whoever she was supposed to tutor was late. The meeting was at five, and it is now five thirty. Selene had Quidditch practice at six. If the person showed up right now, they still wouldn't have time. She sighed and began rolling up the star charts she had laid out in order.
Suddenly, footsteps rang against the metal stairs in a quick pattern that led up to the astronomy tower, and a figure ran onto the landing.
"Sorry, I am late," they said, stepping into the light.
Selene's mouth opened to respond, but then she froze. Theodore Nott stood in front of her, eyes wide. Selene snapped out of the frozen state she was in and let out a humorless laugh as she shoved the charts into her bag, shaking her head.
"No way. Not in a million years will I be tutoring you. I'm going to Sinistra's office right now."
She threw her bag over her shoulder as she stormed past him and down the steps. Sinistra's office was at the base of the tower, behind a heavy wooden door. Theodore followed behind her, not saying anything.
When they walked all the way down the stairs and got to her office, Selene turned around and said, "You stay here. I'm getting you a new tutor. I mean, what was she thinking?"
She said the last part mostly to herself as she pushed open the door without knocking.
"Ms. Parkinson," Sinistra said, looking up, surprised. "How can I help you?"
"Him?" Selene said, trying to form words as she shut the door behind her, "You expect me to tutor him? I can't do that. If I try, I'll probably throw him off the tower. Is that what your goal was? I mean, I don't blame you, I think everyone wants to do that to him, but I didn't think you would be the one to act on it."
"Selene, please. I need you to."
"But-"
"He is going to fail this class if he doesn't get help. He usually does amazing in this class, but this year, his scores have just dropped significantly. You are the only one who can handle tutoring him along with the pressure from the work I will continue to assign to you as the semester continues."
Selene blew out a breath. "I don't know if he will even go along with it. I mean, Professor, he hates me. He despises my very existence. He might even throw me off the tower. Maybe that was his plan all along."
"He will go along with it if he wants to pass." Her voice was firm but kind. "Selene, you want to be a healer, right?"
Selene nodded slowly. "Yes, ma'am."
"I have connections at Saint Mungos. Over next summer or whenever you would like, I can send them a letter of recommendation for their apprentice program. You won't be doing this with nothing in return. I will make it worth your time."
Selene sighed, hating the idea of going back there but knowing she was not going to just throw away her dream career over it. "I'll do it. I'll hate every second of it, but I'll do it."
"Thank you, Ms. Parkinson." Profesor Sinistra smiled again, like she had known Selene would agree to it all along, and she narrowed her eyes before shaking her head slightly and giving her a small smile back before turning around and leaving.
Selene walked out the door and faced Nott. "Turns out there are no more tutors, so we're stuck with each other. I can't meet the rest of the week until Saturday, which is good because we have a test on Monday. We can study for it then. We will meet at ten. a.m. If you're late, we won't meet at all because that's a Hogsmeade trip, and I would like to go. And for Merlin's sake, take a shower. You smell like rotting death."
She turned and walked away from him, sighing. She was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't see Hermione coming towards her until she called her name multiple times and grabbed her arm to get her to stop.
"I need to talk to you in private." She whispered, pulling Selene into a storage room quickly and shutting the door before lighting the tip of her wand. "How do you feel about Umbridge?"
"How do I feel about Umbridge?" Selene repeated, blinking in the dark.
Hermione nodded, and Selene let out a short laugh. "I don't think there is a word strong enough to explain my distaste for her."
"That's great because other people feel the same way. And we want to be taught actual stuff. Like how to defend ourselves, not just textbook material. Harry has offered to consider teaching people. There is going to be a meeting at eleven on Saturday about it. An interest meeting of sorts. You should come. Bring your friends, Annie and Cas, too."
"I'll really try to make it. I have something going on that morning, but if I don't make it back in time, save me a spot on the list."
"Of course."
"It is a really great plan, Hermione." Selene was reassured as she smiled and pushed out of the room.

"You're late."
"By like two minutes," Theodore said, throwing his arms up in protest.
"Two minutes that we could be studying."
"I think I'll survive."
"You're not going to say that when there are two more questions on the test and it's the two that we didn't get to, it was the deciding factor if you passed or not."
"Well, hopefully, you will tutor me better so that I do not almost fail by two questions."
"I can't help if you are just stupid."

"No, that's to the right and up. This one is the left and down."
"You told me it was to the right earlier," Theodore argued with a sigh.
"Why would I tell you that if it is not the answer?" Selene said, squinting at him.
"Because you want me to fail."
"The sooner you start passing, we can end this. So, I really don't think that is true." Selene looked down at her watch. "Shit, I have to go."
"You got a date?"
"None of your business."
"Is it that guy you were talking to on the first day of school after the first class?"
"No, he's captain of the Quidditch team." Selene rolled her eyes.
"What about that guy in the library?"
"Are you stalking me? Don't get too close! My dirty blood might be contagious." She said the last part like a ghost before rolling her eyes and starting down the stairs.
"When is our next meeting?"
"Tuesday. Don't be late for the third time."

Selene ran out of the school. It was snowing and cold. The snow made it hard to run and took a lot more energy, but she made it to Hogsmeade. She jogged past frosted snow fronts, watching people in Honeydukes laugh, their cheeks flushed from the cold. She jogged breathlessly past couples holding hands and kissing in the snow.
Selene had never had a boyfriend. She never had the time. She was always busy with school, and it was slowly becoming more obvious how sad it was that the only boy she had ever kissed hated it and said that he could feel her dirty blood. What did that even mean?
Cas was in a very stable long-distance relationship with her Beauxbaton girlfriend. Cas found a way to bring her up in every conversation. It was sickeningly adorable. Selene and Cas had been shocked to the core to find out last week that Annie had had a boyfriend for two years and had just never brought it up. She had told them that she had never thought to bring it up because, most of the time, she had forgotten she even had a boyfriend and kept meaning to break up with him.
Selene doubted that there were any who actually liked her. Sure, guys have liked her before, but it was the guys that liked any girl within ten feet of them. Never guys that had options to pick from. She was okay with that. She didn't mind being single, but it would be nice to have someone love you like that. She watched a couple ahead of her spin each other around, looking up at the snow and kissing. Why were all the couples choosing this day to show themselves?
She made it to the Hogshead as people were leaving. She pushed through the oncoming students and into the pub, apologizing to people whose feet she accidentally stepped on. She weaved through the tables until she saw Hermione's head of brown curls towards the back. She made a beeline for her, avoiding eye contact with any of the odd occupiers of the pub.
"Is it too late for me to join?" Selene asked, out of breath.
"No, of course not! Sign this," Hermione beamed, handing over a piece of parchment with names on it. Then to Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, she said, "This is Selene Parkinson. She is a friend of mine."
"Parkinson?" Harry choked out, "The same family as Pansy Parkinson? Why would you invite her?"
"No, it's okay, Harry," Ron said, beaming. "She is a blood traitor. Maybe even more than my family."
Selene flinched at the words but offered a weak smile. "That's me."
"We will let you know about the first meeting," Hermione smiled.
"Okay, sounds good." Selene gave a brief smile and then turned, trying to find Annie and Cas somewhere else in the small town.