Everything Has Changed

To The Bone

"Oh I was just coughing. I had some phlegm stuff stuck in my throat, that was what it was." Taylor lied, crossing her fingers that Travis believed her. Which luckily he did.

"It's probably something you caught off of one of the girls." Travis noted and Taylor nodded.

"Most likely. Kids are always picking up things from school or daycare. The flying probably didn't help either." Taylor hated lying to him, but she also knew that this was an essential burden, and price to pay. She had lost pretty much all of the baby weight, plus some more. not that Travis would ever realise. Not because he wasn't attentive, but because she had gotten really good at hiding it. She wore the right clothes and outfits. Said the right things, and ate just enough in his presence to make it all seem ok. But it all came crashing down that morning.

"Trav. Travis! Babe." Taylor shook Travis awake again. They had both fallen back asleep in each others arms, Taylor woken up not long after by Luna's cries. She had been a pretty good sleep so far, according to all of her friends and family who she had spoken to and Taylor knew that she would only ever wake up if she was wet or hungry. That morning it had been both. She had successfully changed her on the floor on the bathroom but the feeding part was trickier. Ever since her eating disorder had come back with a vengeance, breastfeeding had just become harder and harder. Her supply was erratic and Taylor found pumping to be easier to ensure that Luna was getting enough milk and she could see exactly what she was drinking. The problem was that Luna struggled to take a bottle from Taylor. She could smell the milk on Taylor and would instantly refuse the bottle. But Luna would grow frustrated that she couldn't feed fast enough or enough in general when Taylor and been breastfeeding recently.

"What is it Tay? Why are you crying?" He asked, sitting up in the bed and turning on the lamp perched on top of the nightstand next to him. He could hear her sobs in the darkness, catching a glimpse of the full extent as he turned over. He could see by her exposed breasts and the hungry rooting baby that she couldn't get Luna to latch again. It was something that was becoming more common and whilst he loved being able to feed Luna and spend one on one time with her, he realised that breast feeding had been something special between Luna and her mother. He knew how hard it was on Taylor that she couldn't comfort their daughter the way she used to.

"It's happened again. And I am really trying. There is milk in there, I can feel it. But it's just not enough. She is so hungry and I can't help her." She sobbed, clutching onto the infant who was fussing even more in her arms. Travis reached out an arm to comfort her and steady her shaking hands. 

"Tay. Tay, listen to me beautiful. You can help her if you are upset like this. Why don't I go downstairs and get her a bottle from the fridge. I saw you put a couple in the big fridge in the kitchen when you pumped last night. She will be fine with that." He watched as her grip on the baby tightened, like she always did when Travis offered to help her with the baby. Ever since she had begun struggling with feeding, Travis had watched Taylor grow more and more clingy with the baby. Refusing any help from anyone, even Travis sometimes until she was utterly exhausted and would breakdown in his arms about how much of a failure she was. Whilst he would always remind her of her worth and never tire of reminding his beautiful girl how special she was, it was alarming how much she wasn't coping. It had all changed, in the blink of an eye. Ever since she had stepped back on stage again and performed on the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. What had happened that night to cause everything to change?

"Would it make you feel better if I brought the milk up for you so that you can try and feed her again?" Travis asked, watching her nod sheepishly. He placed a light kiss on her forehead, stroking Luna's cheek softly before leaving the room to head downstairs to the kitchen. There he found a familiar presence.