Forevermore

Fireball

When I awake again, it's 10 am. I lay in my bed for an hour, reminiscing about my mom, trying not to think about the horrible things of my past. Finally I get up and wash my face, take a shower and get ready for today. I wear a black bikini, a black tank top and black jean shorts to match. Once I fix all my nose piercings, my hair and over analyze every piece of my body, I make my way downstairs, praying to god Ryan will get here soon and I can focus on having a good day.

"Finally you're awake, we've been waiting forever for you. There's some leftover waffles from breakfast" my sister motions to the microwave, before getting up. I sit down, getting a glass of milk before my aunt comes in.
"Hey Rox. I'm not gonna be home tonight; but there's some money on the fridge if you guys get home early, don't do anything I wouldn't okay?" She gives me a side hug, before grabbing her purse and heads out the door before I can say anything back.

"Vada, Ryan's gonna be here soon so hurry up"
No response. Typical Vada.
I sit on the couch, on my phone until I hear keys jingle in the door. Being the sneaky person I am, I quickly get up and hide behind the door, so I can scare Ryan.
"Helloooo?"
As he walks to the kitchen, I jump out at Ryan, but he barely flinches.

"Ugh you are no fun. Seriously" I roll my eyes and he sticks his tongue out at me.
"No fun? Please. I brought vodka, and your favorite. Fireball"
My eyes lighten up as I jump over to hug him. He puts my hair behind my ear, before he kisses me.
"Okay so maybe I was wrong.. also we have to wait for Vada to hurry the fuck up so we can leave"
He sits down at the counter, pouring us both a shot, before Vada starts coming down the stairs, and we act casual.

"Oh thank god Ryan brought liquor. Can you two lovebirds please help me carry the towels out?"
We both look at eachother, Ryan starts blushing.
"We're not together Vada, you know that" I lie.
She gives me an are-you-sure look, knowing my cheeks are probably bright red. She rolls her eyes as she takes the cooler out to the car, and me and Ryan kiss while she's gone, before we take the bag of towels out aswell. I can't help but think about us actually being together. I always tell people we're dating, but he doesn't. Hopefully it won't be another situation with Abby.

The drive there was short, and filled with tension. Vada is of course in the back seat, texting her mysterious boyfriend thing. That leaves me and Ryan to mouth sexy things to eachother.

Me and Ryan met 2 years ago. After my mom died, me and vada moved to New Orleans from Milwaukee. The move was hard, and moms relatives didn't wanna care for us, so we moved in with dads sister since she was the responsible one for dads rehab and psych ward. We didn't want anything to do with our grandparents, not after everything that happened. Ryan was my first friend, so it makes sense we're into eachother, I guess. Ryan's more of the popular jerk, and I am more of the loner thats too quiet.

Sometimes I miss Evan.

"Rox come out of your trance we're here.." he grabs my thigh, and I realize Vada already got out of the car and began emptying the trunk.
"What is it beautiful?" He gives me a reassuring smile, and then we get out of the car.
Once we're in the sand, Vada tells me more about this mysterious man in her life, asking about my advice. All I can really think about is how bad I wanna get drunk.
Finally, she goes to hang out with Ethan, I learned his name now.

"You better close that pretty mouth, or you're gonna start drooling" he says as he takes my hand, and brings me to the water.
"I'd drool over you any day Ryan" he smiles at me, before we step in the water.
I can't help but think he's not really into me, but insecurity shows and I don't want to ruin one of the only good things going in my life. After all, that's why he doesn't want to date me. I'm too insecure, jealous, and overbearing. I didn't know that meant I wanted him to stop sleeping with other girls.

It's truly a nice day out. the suns out with promising looks of no rain. The water is cool and everyone's having fun, but I can't stop thinking about my mom. All those years she stayed with my dad just hoping me and Vada didn't know what was going on, I wish she knew all the horrible things she wasn't around for. And Evan...

I can't stop thinking about her. That night replays in my memory as I try not to remind myself of that bathroom. Vada had no idea.
Finally, I snap out of my nightmare; Ryan's squeezing my hand, and I'm brought back to reality.
He hands me fireball, and I chug the bottle. The liquor burns everything in its path, creating a fiery flood down my throat; something I love too dearly but hurts me so bad.

A couple drinks later, I notice vada and the guy she's with are playing around in the sand, and I can't find Ryan. I go to the water and enjoy the cold water in between my toes against the hot air on the rest of my skin. Going back to our set up, I notice ryans still not back yet.
"Where's loverboy?" Vada smiles at me as I get up, and everything's spinning.
"I-I dont uh... know" I try to shield the sun from my eyes, causing my brain to hurt.
She sits down next to me, searching for him. Then I hear her start to say his name, then stop.
"You know that whore, Sadie?" she pokes at me.
"What about her?"

I sit up more, scanning the area until I see a group of people, along with Ryan. There's a girl, slobbering herself all over him. I scoff, before Vada starts to bump my arm a lot. I look back over, he's not pushing her off him. Of course this is just going to be another argument about how I'm too jealous.
"Who's that chick with him? Roxie?" Vadas boy thing says to me.
I shrug, realizing I was too drunk to even notice where he went to, and he took advantage of that.
"Rox let's go home babe.. fuck him" Vada starts to grab my arm, and I'm so done with this.
"I mean, you did know who he was from the start right? Who doesn't.. he's an asshole" Ethan tries to make me feel better, but alcohol and emotions are never a good mix. As we get everything into vada's friends car, I catch myself thinking of Evan.

Why haven't I thought about him before? With everything that happened I didn't even realize how much I missed him.
"Roxie? What are you doing where are you going?" I turn behind me, and find Ryan. I can't even look at him right now. He grabs my arm, pulling me backwards, and I almost fall.
"Dude get off me I'm seriously done with your shit" he acts shocked.
"What are you even talking about?" He tries to grab my arm again, but I pull it away.

"Let me answer for you Ryan. Stop fucking with random girls and stay away from my sister. We're leaving, come on Rox" she notions for me to get in the car, and I know if I don't, I'll turn into the same little girl begging for my dad to stop hurting my mom. I'll beg him to not hurt me yet again. I don't have energy for that anymore.

The drive home, I thought about what my mom would say if I told her this. My mom would've told me advice that she herself needed to follow, and right now I feel like I desperately need a hug from her.
"Roxie? Roxie what's wrong?" I seemed to forget that tears were streaming down my face, and I can't stop.
"I miss mom.." she turns back to me from the front seat, and her smile fades. I know she hates talking about mom. She's younger, and our mom more saw her as a fixable thing, unlike me. I had already seen too much that she'd knew I wouldn't forget; I wish I would.

Arriving at home, Ethan helps unload everything, and I go to my bed. Taking off my swimsuit, I can see my phones ringing but I know it's ryan.
Laying in my bed, my curiosity gets the best of me, I go to instagram and search his name up. Nothing. Then I go to Facebook, nothing. Even his mom's Facebook hasn't been updated since 2013. Disappointed, I go into the bathroom and find my sleeping pills, taking 5 so I can go to sleep asap. I miss Evan.

Laying in my bed, thoughts about my mom flood my mind, and I can't hold them back anymore. My face feels hot and my stomach turns when I remember how her body looked on the bathroom floor. The needles on the floor.. the pill bottles on the counter and the floor next to her. My stomach twists and turns just thinking about it.