Scripts (Purinz)

Script 20: Heart out

She opens her mouth to tell Chaewon what she really feels but the older girl beats her to it.

"If you tell me one more time that you only did this to help me, I will slap you across the face. Because you never helped me. You only made it worse! Now, what am I going to do with this broken egg?? What am I going to tell the professor?? That my stupid partner fucking cracked it against a random dude from another academy because she wanted to protect me?! Fuck, Huh Yunjin... Stop trying to be a fucking hero every God damn time!"

"Can we not talk about our grades for a moment and let me speak my mind-"

"Our grades depended on that damn egg, Huh. You're telling me to shut up about it when-"

"Is that all you care about?! Our fucking grades?! You're out here, bringing up all my mistakes and all the bad things I have done over a fucking egg?! You're in front of me, telling me how much you thought I cared but I never did because I'm hurting you- you're saying all of those things because I broke the egg! It just- it just doesn't connect, Chaewon... clearly there is something more to it than me breaking the egg."

"Of course there is something more to it!" Chaewon huffs, "Of course! It's me and my burning hatred towards you. The loathing I feel whenever you're near, the absolute stomach churning and throat tightening feeling I feel when I see you being all happy with your friends while I suffer from the hateful words you so carelessly threw towards me from the past!"

Chaewon had pushed her away from her now, giving herself some space from Yunjin because the sun was burning and glaring down at them, and she could feel her eyes watering, her sweat dripping, and the pain that was rapidly growing in her chest.

"Now, tell me in which way did you not mean for me to feel such pain... tell me in which way did you care for me??"

As Chaewon asks her those questions, Yunjin tries her very best to calm herself down. She didn't want to spill her heart out suddenly. That was never in her plan. Never did she think she would ever do it.

But Chaewon taunts her, and asks her once more as she pushes her away one more time, and the walls that Yunjin tried to create and surround her growing feelings were starting to break.

She was on the edge.

And one final push from Chaewon will set her feelings free.

"Tell me!" Chaewon pushes her once more, but Yunjin holds her wrist, and she keeps Chaewon in her spot.

"If you couldn't remember every other thing I have done for you from the past up until this point, I don't fucking blame you. But you cannot- God! You can't just fucking tell me that I never cared about you just because all you see when you see me are all the bad things I've done! I know I cared about you, Chaewon. I cared because I loved you, damn it!"

There it was.

She had dropped everything and laid out just the surface of her emotions before Chaewon.

And the older girl was looking at her like she was insane. Chaewon sneers, "No, you don't." and she starts backing away, away from Yunjin.

The taller girl follows her with one careful step, "I did, and I do, until now."

"No, you couldn't have..." When Chaewon took another step away from her, Yunjin held her hand tighter, "I hated you... and you hated me, too-"

"For fuck's sake, Kim Chaewon! I do! I love you! I am in love with you! I am disgustingly, painfully head over heels for you! I always have... from the moment I stepped foot into this God damn academy... from the moment I saw you step out of that fucking stage, I knew then that I wanted to stay and study in SCE because of you and you alone!" The redhead was shaking by now. The tears that she so poorly tried to keep in had already spilled out of her eyes.

"I never hated you! Throughout everything, I have always admired you!"

Her tears were dropping non-stop, and she almost couldn't see Chaewon anymore with how blurry her eyesight had become. 

"What else do you want me to say?! That I- That I went through all of the previous president's bullying and torment just so she doesn't tell my parents that I liked girls?! All of that happened because she found out that I was in love with you! She hated our guts, she hated that we stood out, so when she found out, she did everything in her power to ruin my life just so I could stop standing out... but I couldn't keep my mouth shut, and I had to fight her. She forced me to say all those things about you, record it, and threatened to expose me to my parents and play the recording through the speakers if I ever tried to cross her again. Is that what you want to hear?! Is that enough proof for you?!"

She was out of breath now, and Chaewon was absolutely stunned. She didn't have enough time to process all of the things that Yunjin said. From her confession up to where she was blackmailed by the president.

It was making her head hurt.

"And all those things I told you in the gymnasium? I never meant to say all that... because the truth was I was deeply and madly in love with you. But then you just had to expose yourself. You hated me... what was I supposed to do?! I had to act like I hated you, too... just so I could hide the fact that I was hurt that the person that I cared for and loved the most never liked me at all."

It was as if everything was just sinking in with Yunjin as well... and she slowly released Chaewon's hand as the older girl only stood there and stared at her, still stunned.

Yunjin slowly backed away.

"Fuck, Kazuha was right. I'm fucking stupid..." She mutters to no one but herself. "I'm sorry... Chaewon. I-..." She sighed. What was there left to say? She had already spilled her heart out.

Guts, even.

It only did sink in for her that no matter how much she tries, and no matter how many flowery words she throws Chaewon's way, the girl would never, ever, look back at her. She will never look at her the same way she does with Minju. She will never be as gentle as she was with Minju.

Yunjin will never feel what it's like to be loved by Kim Chaewon. She tried to accept it, but accepting it felt like she was plunging a knife deeper into the cut it had already created.

Now, Chaewon was the one who looked guilty. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know if she was going to comfort Yunjin or just stare at her.

"I'm sorry." Yunjin mumbles as she tries to wipe her eyes with her egg stained hand, "The whole entire year that I was gone, all I could think about was you. I couldn't let you go, and I couldn't forget you... I'm sorry. I tried. I tried to move forward, but I couldn't... I'm sorry."

"Why... why are you apologizing..."

"Because I should have just hated you back..." The younger girl sniffles, and something in Chaewon breaks. And it hurts. Badly.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I love you."

Yunjin couldn't bear being there anymore. It was hot, the sun was way up in the sky, and she was sweating as she cried hard.

So, she takes a few steps back before turning around and finally leaving. Chaewon didn't know if she was going to run after Yunjin, she couldn't move. Even if the sun was starting to hurt her skin, she couldn't move.

The only time she was finally able to do so was when she started crying without knowing the reason why.

Was it guilt? Was she just guilty for what she did? Or was it because she was still upset about what Yunjin did? She doesn't know. She doesn't know but she keeps on crying anyway.

All she knew was there was something hurting within her, and she needed to cry it all out.