Love In Denial

10. Her secrets

Avni POV

Knife.

I need a knife to kill myself .

"Avni, you are saying you have problem that you can feel your husband' s touch" dr. Malini retorted in shock and i nodded my head.

It's 8:00 am in the morning and I am here in the hospital with gyanocologist Dr. Malini I took a special appointment to meet her this early because what happened last night after that i definitely need a doctor.

"Okay, but why it's a problem" why , good question because we are not in real marriage .

No that's not the fucking problem my subconscious mind yelled at me.

Zindagi to aise baarbaad hai ki maan krta hai kisiko khud ko marne ke paise dedu.

( Life is the worst in a way that i should bribe someone to kill my ownself )

I stayed silent , last time when I visited a gyanocologist it didn't go well and right now I don't know how to tell her about my personal life.

"Okay, if you guys have an issue then why did you let him touch you" she changed her question and i gulped last night's memories coming in front of my eyes.

"You might have married him but you can never satisfy him .

"your sick emotionless body can't do anything"

"he will leave you like Mikky"

Shyla's last night's heart wrenching word ranged in my ear though i slapped her but no matter what i had did it won't change the truth.

"I had a previous relationship but I never had any orgasm but last night i did" i confessed .

Mikky , my x bf whom Ranvijay saw last night and lost his control.

Mikky was the first person whom I let come closer to me people think I loved him but the truth was I wanted to have someone so i could escape from my loneliness.

It was a cruel way.

But, there is a saying the child who never felt loved will become an adult who will never know how to love.

We had a relationship for almost 2 years I was never so lovey dovey type girlfriend but 2 years is enough for anyone to get attached to someone.

And.

In reality, Attachment sucks.

"How was your sex life in a previous relationship " she retorted,

"I was like a dead body I won't feel anything " i replied

After, 1 year of relationship he convinced me that If we get into a physical relationship then it might fix our relationship which was getting worse because of my own distanat behaviour but it didn't.., instead my emotionless body in bed made it worse.

After a few months i found he was cheating on me , that day i realised there is no thing like happy ending in the end you are gonna die alone.

"You think anyone can love you or your this body which is not even fuckable." his exact words after I found him cheating on me.

"I get that but what type of sex did your previous partner "

"Type?"

"Means how he did it , direct penetration or with foreplay or something else" she asks , i can't believe I am discussing my sex life like this.